there is no language i could cut open wide enough to tell you my story, but take these words. after my years of being abused, hardships, and escaping my past with a codependant relationship of a few years that just ended- , i'm trying to figure out who i am now, get my self back, and figure out what i want to do in this life. i'm also trying to nurture love and others i care about in my life again.

ancient history student, tarot reader, vintage collector, all arts and poetry lover. it's just me and my bunny against the world.

Latest Entry

Dream i.

November 17, 2021
i'm going to keep a diary of my dreams for many reasons- I've always had very vivid dreams with repeated themes and symbolism, and I want to try lucid dreaming. I'm hoping this way I can track my dreams more and also improve my dream recall. last sleep my dreams were long and heavy. it…
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Recent Entries

  • where the tall grass lulls my body to sleep
    November 16, 2021
    Update from my previous entry. I'm not sure if my emotional state is worse than I thought or I just took a swing. But I'm in so much emotional pain I can barely move. I can;'t even put a name on this pain or depression anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've moved…
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  • November 16th
    November 16, 2021
    Yesterday I decided to start ballet lessons or kickboxing again. I thought lessons would be too expensive, but really, after looking, if i just stopped spending money on takeout, it's less money than i'm spending now. i could have done this years ago and i'm a little mad at myself. i would love t...
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  • November 16th- thoughts and feelings
    November 16, 2021
    The truth is, everyone wants to believe they're in love but no on rarely *really* is. So to all those out there stuck between two minds about some crush, I almost don't want to break it to you, because that innocence is something sweet and precious and beautiful too, but.. it's not the same. If&h...
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  • new to OD
    November 1, 2021
    Hi there! there's no language i could cut open wide enough to tell you my story- but here are the words that do come.  you know, i have this problem in person where i feel like there's a barrier between me and everyone and i just can't get close to them even if i want…
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  • November 1st
    November 1, 2021
    me to the realisation today that thoughts and ideas do consume everything. i spent so much time stressing and meditating over creating a blank slate in my mind, over seeing the world in the most objectively true way that it is absent of social constructs and influence. i've finally realised that ...
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  • reflection on aspen
    October 31, 2021
    I had a dream last night where, even though i don't remember how we got there, me and Aspen (let's name him that) were sitting on some bed. we were reunited for some reason and even though we were still going to be seperated, i hugged him suddenly and tightly and said that i missed…
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  • October 31st
    October 31, 2021
    I guess it's still the 30th for me since i've been waking up at 4 pm every day and sleeping at 10 am, but since it's midnight it's now the 31st. So today is halloween. This is the first year maybe that i'm doing absolutely nothing on it. I had plans both to go to…
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  • October 30th
    October 30, 2021
    after not seeing him since i was around 8-10, my father messaged me today on instagram saying that if i wasn't sure what i wanted to do with my life, he would always be willing to teach me tattooing in his tattoo shop. this has stirred my emotions all day. it doesn't have that much…
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