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undulate

July 18, 2011
a prolonged absence from this place.  I feel like a stranger, even to myself.  OH JESUS that makes me sound like 16 year old me. though maybe that's what this place does -- takes me back to where I was when I first found it.  allows me to de-mature, as it were.  needless to sa...
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Recent Entries

  • mid-week midnight confessional
    February 3, 2010
      there are things i need to write down, though i am so hesitant to come back here.  this place reminds me of a solitary life, a life i clung to before.  and it was so heartwrenchingly pathetic that I can only come back to check on people i have ties to, to relive a…
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  • 09/13/2009
    September 12, 2009
      i did so well today, kept busy, kept moving.  what a face i had on.  what a marvelous face. and then darkness descends and it comes apart and the tears come stubbornly, ignoring my refusals.  the memories of that night flood my mind.  i sit on the edge of my bed, eyes g...
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  • i like it soft, i like it wet.
    December 13, 2008
      i may have had too much to drink tonight. then again, maybe not.   i spent the weekend being the supportive friend to someone dealing with an alcoholic sister.  the holidays, infamously, exacerbate such things. and while i am glad that she didn't have to be alone (these struggles...
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  • 5/17/08
    May 16, 2008
    The stifled air filled with dust,The smell of sedentary living,Her life was reduced, all of it.The walls, her bones, A stack of books, empty pill bottles.-I'm feeling it today.  Missing her.  The emptiness of this apartment is feeling heavy and my footsteps on hardwood keep echoing down...
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  • 2/19/08
    February 18, 2008
    I’ve found a precarious balance, surrounded by familiarity in an unfamiliar city.  I write into the night, sometimes for school but most times not.  I take vitamins instead of the meds.  Something about taking a pill, a handful of them, is another part of the familiar life I ...
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  • boone road
    January 10, 2008
    Since I was young, I had an awareness of how the country, nature, fills me with life.  My mind starts clearing, thoughts become lucid and beautifully supple.   I can think beyond the next step.  And that is so, so refreshing. It’s funny because I don’t fit in here....
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  • these days
    December 6, 2007
    "the end is in sight."  i tell myself this several times an hour.  this final push, this final week of class, of tests and of stress -- it gets to me.  it always has.  so i tell myself this over and over, until it echoes inside this empty head of mine.  "th...
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  • [bones. skin. silver. air.]
    October 1, 2007
    i came home to the sounds of "300" coming from the living room.  my shoulder still pulsating, ever pulsating, tender from the day of dragging books, stress, life around.  jim is looking at it on thursday.  hopefully its nothing serious.ate a pear over the kitchen sink, st...
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  • to say goodbye.
    April 9, 2007
    if i had left you a note, detailing all the reasons why, it would have been a playlist, filled with songs that would outline each emotion, every note filling the void my absence left behind.  i would have titled it with your name and made sure to cross both t's.  listening to it, it wou...
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