#eatingdisorder

I think I have started and failed at blogging 100 times in the last few years. It is not that I don't want to do it, I just don't like where I start and where I am. But it is time to get brutally honest with myself. So here we go. My name is Betsy…

When I signed up using my email address it was for my other, private diary. I even have the email with the diary name, so I know for a fact it was my other diary, but somehow my main diary wound up connected to it. I have no idea how, but I'm glad. My other…

So....   I started writing this before I went for my appointment, but things have changed so I scrubbed it and I’m starting again. Today was the day. Today I went back into therapy. Clinical Hypnotherapy & NLP to be precise. I won’t lie, I was an absolute mess this morning when I got up,...

    So what is it? I don't know. My brain is muddled. Confusion reining supreme. I want to work out. Not sit here but I cannot.I am trapped within the virus. No fun. However, not vital. For it is flu, not terminal. I should count myself lucky, yet I don't for it is only a flu. What is t...

I've barely eaten these past 2 days, it's good, no honestly it is. I haven't been particularly hungry in all honesty. I'm liking it. I'm liking the control, I'm liking the power, I'm liking the feeling when my stomach growls. Going to try and get through today without eating...call it good practi...

What I'm about to say I am saying purely to get off my chest. I'M NOT SAYING TO GET ATTENTION, SYMPTHY, PITY OR WELL WISHES. Therefore if you're going to judge me or criticise me or whatever then keep it to yourself. I don't care what an idiot you think I am. I don't care that you…

  I feel sick. I know why. Because I've been thinking about what I've eaten today. I feel like putting my fingers are down my throat. I also feel like if I was to be sick, that I honestly wouldn’t be bothered about it.  I don't care about being sick anymore, in fact I welcome…

Put me on the slab...cut me open and take the fat...cut out my my troubles and pain...and myabe just maybe...I'll be me again...