1642 My life is a tv show

We were simply laying about in front of the tv trying to get caught up on our DVR selections.  Who knew that last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy would send me into a tailspin. 

If you watch the show, the whole storyline about George and his dad really mirrors quite a bit of my own mom’s final health decisions.  I never realized how much medical jargon I actual knew about until I started understanding various medical terms used in shows like Grey’s, E.R., etc.  It’s weird, really.

George has a heartfelt conversation with his father while his father was in a coma.  I can’t even tell you how many of these conversations I had with my mom during her final months.

So, George & his family have to decide between keeping their dad on various life support machines or "letting him go".  They decided not to prolong the inevitable and took him off life support.  I watched a scene on t.v. which I lived out only weeks ago.  The only major difference would be in the timeframe between turning off the machinery and the actual passing of his dad/my mom.  George’s dad passed immediately.  The lines on the monitor went from squiggles to flatlines so quickly.  (I’ve not really had the emotional energy to tell her story & I really do intend to write about it at some point…) My mommy decided to hang around awhile.  Her machines were turned off on Friday afternoon, but she didn’t leave this earth until Sunday night.  (Both a blessing and a curse to have her hang on for so long.  But that’s a story for another entry.)

At the end of the episode, Cristina shares with George that her own father died when she was only 9.

George: I can’t imagine existing in a world where my father doesn’t.

Cristina: It doesn’t get any better.

Sage words.

Tomorrow night I’ve got my next OB check-up.  I’m fairly certain that we’ll be booking the O.R. for cesarean2.  I’m looking forward to getting that date on my calendar.  I think I’ll feel more "settled" if I can say I’ve got a due date booked.

On Saturday I’ve got my first appointment with a grief counselor.  Once I found one, it took me 10 days to get a timeslot on her calendar.  I’m really looking forward to this.  No really, I am.  I’ve got too much that remains bottled up and stifled.  I need a nice opportunity to just let loose and cry for awhile.  I need it.

I can’t imagine existing in a world where my mommy doesn’t.