This is all Im asking of you

Jessica Simpson – I wanna love you forever.

You set my soul at ease,
Chased darkness out of view,
Left your desperate spell on me,
say you feel it too, I know you do.
Ive got so much more to give,
This cant die, I yearn to live,
Pour yourself all over me
and I’ll cherish every drop
here on my knees.

I want to love you forever
and this is all Im asking of you
ten thousand life times together
is that so much for you to do
‘Cus, from the moment that I saw your face
and felt the fire in your sweet embrace
I swear I knew Im going to love you forever

My mind fails to understand
what my heart tells me to do
and i’d give up all I have
just to be with you, and I would do
Ive always been taught to win
and I’d never thought I’d fall
be at the mercy of a man
Ive never been, now I only
want to be right where you are

In my life Ive learned
that heaven never waits no,
I’ll take this now before its gone
Like yesterday
‘Cus when IM with you
there is nowhere else
that I would ever want to be
Im praying for the next second
I can feel you loving me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have decided men are truely clueless. Ethan apparently thinks that I didnt want to tell him what happened. That he had to force it out of me. He forced it out of me?! ::Laughs:: If I didnt want to tell, he would never have known something was wrong. I used to play guys all the time, I was good at it. Not something Im proud of anylonger but if I truely didnt want Ethan to know I had not stayed faithful, he would never have even suspected anything.

But instead Ethan is upset thinking that I didnt want to tell him. Because when he asked the first time I wouldnt say. Of course not, if I just said it, he would have thought I was only trying to hurt him, like rub it in his face. So I instead say to him I dont want to tell him because I dont want him to hate me. Make him feel like he’s important to me, which he is. I wish I knew how the man’s mind thought. Because apparently I got it all wrong when I thought I was hoping he would think I loved him too much to hurt him. ::makes mental note to get book Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars::

Anyway, for the first time in my life I actually regret sex. Not even my ex boyfriend who slept with a friend of mine who was a slut… and things happened because of that do I regret the sex. It was a life lesson. Until this, I regret so little in life, I dont even regret things with Byron, though I was hurt terribly. But this I do. Because everything about Ethan makes me want to be a better person. To live up to what he thinks I really am or could be. And not only have I not done so, but I dissappointed him, and myself. Ive dissappointed myself greatly, because I couldnt be perfect. Though he never expected me to be, I felt I needed to be.

My friends say if I try to hold onto him, I’ll lose him completely. I know this, it happened with Byron and Joey both. I tried to hard to hold onto it. ::sighs:: But how do I stop something I do with out even realizing it….