Faith

Im having a lot of issues with faith. Faith in anything I ever believed in before. Not just because of things with Ethan, but other things, things I started having issues with before every thing with Ethan happened. Like my faith, like regligious faith, faith in myself, faith in others. It all boils down to not trusting anymore. Because of what friends have advised of me to do, Im holding very strongly in my faith in Ethan. I love him. I love how he makes me stronger.

Yeah everyone will tell me I should try and find myself to be strong for myself, and Im working on it. But in times I cant be strong he makes me. With out even encouraging me in anyway. Just hearing his voice did so for me today. Ive been a stong person all my life, in fact my family things Im this person who is so strong that no matter what happens I’ll get through it. She’ll find her way through, she’s strong, tough. When inside, Ive always been this week person who’s craved being able to curl up in someones arms and have them tell me it’ll be ok, to have someone else take care of things for me. But instead, I always truge through and get it done. Mostly because no one will take care of me, ever. I get so frustrated at when I try to get things done, and I dont know how and I ask the right people how and they give me the run around. That’s what happened today, instead of trying again, I lost it. Broke down into tears because I couldnt get anyone to help me figure out how to get paid. Money is a huge concern, I have rent and car payments and bills. ::breathe ……::

Ok cant go there.. Anyways, instead of doing what I normally do, try again call again, try again, I broke down in tears. Was able to stop crying enough to call Ethan, who let me talk to him. First time in days we’ve really talked about anything. I miss him, it would have been so nice if he could have been here, wrap his arms around me and just let me cry out my frustrations telling me it’ll be ok. Strong arms holding onto me, a so fragile me…

I took this song from is OD. But I cant write more now because of tears.. I dont know the artist nor the song title..

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Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don’t know what to say
And you don’t know where to start
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever found the one
You’ve dreamed of all your life
You don’t do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve givin your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
‘Coz baby I can’t sleep

Brandy- Have you ever