The verge of it all…

Its totally amazing how sometimes you can just tell a person longs to say something to you. Something that you even know what it is. But they dont. I understand why it is unspoken and probably will be for a long time. But its sweet to know that it exsists.

I talked to Robert last night, he hates that I call him that but I cant call him Bob, and I so can not call him Bobby. So I call him Robert. We talked about past things, past relationships. I was in an incredibly meloncholy mood last night. Depression had totally over come me. I quit the NWT group completely. I wont be in the chat room there any more, I wont lurk the MB’s or what not. I will keep in touch with friends, but I think I out grew the social circle there. When you change and your friends can not realize it or see it then you really dont fit in anymore.

Jordan said to me that he has noticed the changes in me, how Ive grown, changed, “turned into this beautiful butterfly”. Im not sure how much Ive changed since I became so close to Jordan, but he has known me longer than just the months we were together. Sometimes friends just get so wrapped up in what they think they believe about you its hard to see them changing. I know I can do this as well, but I hope I dont do it to everyone.

Blarg… not to seem to jump back and forth but my talk with Robert last night was nice. He let me talk about things I really just wanted to cry over. He let me do that as well. I must say last nights conversation with him might be my most favorite one so far. Though its going to get expensive on my end … Calling cards… blarg, he said he’s going to try and get another one for we have already used up the one he did buy.

I so badly just want to sneak a peak at the cost of airline tickets for a visit, but in time… I dont want to rush or seem rushing so… He did say if I gave him the time he needs that he would really like to be more than friends later… way later. He doesnt expect me to sit and wait for him but yeah… ::purrs::

Its hot in Cali today… The air conditioner I have sucks and Ive got two cats lazily spawled out on the kitchen tiles trying to stay cool. THey do not like each other so you just hear lazy half assed growls… Lucky its to hot for them or they would be fighting each other. Not much else to do today the heat makes me completely miserable… Im not a hot liking person at all. At least in the cold you can bundle up and get warm, in the hot you cant even strip to cool off though Im not wearing much tank top and shorts… I miss having a pool or the coastal air. Inland orange county sucks its too hot. Not to mention um the fact I could lose power. That would mean no ice ::frowns:: cant open the fridgerator when there is no power. ::grumbles about stupid politicians and power companies fighting over deregulation:: Just build more power plants in California damn it. We have lots of out in the middle of no where places still. Damn…. stupid big money people.