Sleeplessness

Ive sat up all night with out sleeping. Ive come to worry that my phone call with Robert might have actually been a bad thing. I called him and he and I went back and forth about him calling me the next day (yesterday). I didnt know where I was going to be because my dad was hoping to get an appointment for the school yesterday. Must to my joy it wasnt until monday.

Bad thing is Robert didnt call me. He said if I dint sent him a note he would call me at home. Ok I sent a note right as his dinner break for work was over… letting him know I would be home. No phone call. I call him just to see if he possibly hadnt been able to get a good calling card. No answer. I read for an hour and wait. Nothing no call no answer again. I go online and talk with some friends but I worry about Robert. I think it could be one of two things. Ive scared him off with having him face the fact he’s falling for me, or two we are having our first disagreement.

Then again in my mind I could just be worrying to much. Over analyzing everything. But Im female its a trait we are born with. So part of me was not able to slow my mind down tonight. Not only could I not stop thinking about Robert, I couldnt stop thinking about bills, cost of getting to my friends wedding, cost of paying for the hotel, paying the taxes I own. I just honestly want to steal Robert away for a week. I know its not possible, but I bet you if I could take him for a week we’d have one of the best times ever.

Hmm first time I fall for a guy my age in a while and he’s completely unobtainable. And now he knows how I feel and Im worried Ive scared him off. Give him the time to heal I know its something that needs to be done. Its something I need as well. Time to put myself together. Im dreading this birthday coming up. Its coming up way to quickly One month from today. I feel so lost and confused and scrambled. I thought by the time I was 25 I would have it all figured out ….

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Softer than a whisper,
not even with the breathe.
For it is loudly heard,
with out a word spoken.

I can hear it in your voice,
see it in your eyes.
Feel it with a heartbeat,
Shouted with out a word.

(unfinished)