The finality of it all

July 6th. That’s my court date, that’s the day the judge signs my papers and that’s the day I am offically free of Ryan.

I’m in one of my meloncholy states again, not really a depressed state, and far from being even slightly manic.

Oh during this last work season at the IRS, I found a good psychatrist doctor, while she doesn’t take medicaid so I have to pay out of pocket I really like her. At first when I walked into the office I didn’t think I was going to, but I do. She brutally honest, which sometimes I just need. There are times when I’m down, down enough that bathing is an issue (most manic depressive go through this), and once while I had to get up at 11am to see her (I was still doing nights at the IRS) I simply rolled out of bed, put on a pair of pants, my sandles and brushed my teeth, combed my hair and headed out, didn’t think about the fact I’d worn the clothes, I’d be sick so I was slightly sweaty.. She did though, and pointed it out.

So, I don’t roll out of bed and go straight to her office anymore, even if I have to shower and work after. I get up and make sure I do that all before I see her.

We changed my medications. I’m off an antidepresant, she said she thought it might be causing my to rapid cycle, and I’m a bp1 so that isn’t supposed to happen. Took me off neurontin which we had been using to balance my moods. I’m on lithium. I like my lithium. It doesn’t zonk me out or make me feel over medicated, it helps me keep my days and nights straight, it helps my moods far more than the neurontin does. Since I’ve been on it in March I’ve had not manic upswings, not even slight ones. The only down fall is that I must pee far more often (part of it making you thirsty and needing to drink more). I have to get up to pee while sleeping as my bladder gets so full I dream about having to go and not feeling the relief. So I have to roll out of bed at 8am and go (no chance of going back to sleep after), which is part of what helps me stay up for the day.

I think I’ve lost all my OD regular readers, although I do know I have a friend irl that check in with me on occassion, has done so for a long time.

Thank you Di, I greatly appreciate it 🙂