My surroundings

Talked to my friend Jackie, childhood friend Jackie not OD Jackie, although I’ve been noting backing and forth with her privately as well.

Jackie and I have become friends again as if what happened to us between my party days and her divorce days never happened. Talked to her Sunday and I was sharing my issues with her about Jas. She asked me why do I guard myself so much from friendships, and my answer was simple, because of the bullshit like this (This meaning what I just told her about Jas). She said to me something about looking at my surroundings, see what they have to say about myself. When I asked her what she meant, like the people I choose as friends or my furniture, she said all of it.

Things we choose to surround ourselves with are part of our identities and that if I looked at such things, and try to do objectively it could reveal a lot about myself.

So I’ve decided to consider this.

I think that at least once a week I should evaluate something in my surroundings. I’m hoping to do this here, as I can get some good feed back as well from my readers.

I’m going to start with something positive, as I know the mood I’m in I could look at anything around me and find something negative and critic myself too harshly. I’m in a serious depression funk and I’ve not been able to get out of it. Seeked out a therapist..

Positive thing:
Cats. While I don’t have a dozen and a half of them and I’m not what animal control would call a hoarder, I do always have to have a cat in my home. When I left Aethena at my mom’s when I moved here it wasn’t even a year before I had Justin adoptin Bear with me. Since then we have returned to bring Aethena home, and adopted Tiggies from Barbie and Dennis.

There is something comforting about having a friend who listens, worries when one is upset, and is faithful. While most people see this in dogs I have found my cat to be the same. Aethena has been through hell and back with me. When my emotions would be out of control it would be she who would cower when I was yelling at my mom, but it would be she who would return to my side when things turned to strictly tears. Before I was diagnoised bipolar Aethena and I didn’t know what was my problem with my emotions, they were so wonky that I was truly an unpredictable pet owner, while my pet was the one stable thing in my life.

I think my pets represent my need for loyalty and stability in my life.

Most definately faithful companionship. Even though Aethena adores Justin, and took to him right away, she’s still “my” cat. When I’m home she’s where ever I am in the house, or tries to be. If I go to bed before Justin and I don’t kick Bear out of the bedroom, there is a shift when he comes in to say goodnight. No matter what Aethena follows and settles in with me, Bear leaves (as he’s not a fan of the unpredictable half blind moody female cat). I fall asleep on my side, and she will curl up in the crook of my stomach, where I’m half curled with my knees…

The stability comes in as somewhere in the back of my mind I’ve figured out that cats are creatures of routine. Bear knows 7am, scoups for dry cat food happen, 10pm they happen again and if we alter aka are late he lets us know, unrelentingly. Aethena has a routine when we go to bed (Justin and I together), gets up with us, licks Justin’s hand, gets cuddles from me, sits with us for about 10 to 15 minutes then gets down, has food, water and a poopy box break. Then off to her “cubby” to sleep. She has a spot she’s made in the closet that is hers. If I go to bed alone she does not do this routine until Justin is in bed with us. She stays curled up with me.

Loyal Companionship and Stability.

My pets say about myself I think that I believe in being a loyal person. Not just in a relationship way either. In friendship, family, job, etc.

Stability, I can’t say they represent me being stable, but I do know they are one of the things I use in my life to be stable. Having pets around helps emotionally. They keep people healthy emotionally and physically as well as they bring happiness to owners.