Running

I’m still in Minnesota.
It’s like the past two years never existed at all. The names and faces all changed but it’s all the same, underneath.
I’m spending my nights alone and drunk, never sleeping, with my back pushed up against the tile of the bathroom floor, attempting to breathe in order to keep myself back from this edge I’m toeing.
All my days are blurring together and I can’t sleep. I can never sleep. At night I’m left awake to think by myself about Him and try to pinpoint where it all started to go wrong and what I said to end it all and how he just let me walk away.
Because I knew the truth all along, it was only me up all night with red rimmed eyes, laying with my back on the floor so the room will stop spinning for just one.minute. when you call me to remind me that I’m no longer a part of your life.
How you can physically make me ill with only your words over a telephone line will never cease to amaze me.
I guess this is how it is. I guess that I am not coming back to Minnesota for a long time, because this is how it always will be when I’m here. Insomnia and alcoholism and any other way I can try to find to cope with all my ghosts.
She runs through the streets with her eyes painted red. Under black belly of cloud in the rain. In through a doorway she brings me white gold and pearls stolen from the sea. She is raging. She is raging and the storm blows up in her eyes.