BIGGAYDAN Enters THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, Part I

BIGGAYDAN is running, but he doesn’t know where. Following him is a hoard of BIGGAYMEN. There seem to be millions of them. He stops. Off in the distance, he sees more BIGGAYMEN coming his way. They’re all naked, and fully aroused, with GIANTMANCOCKS that can compete with BIGGAYDAN’S own. BIGGAYDAN is naked, too, but he doesn’t know why.

They’re closing on him. Few seconds, and the hoards of BIGGAYMEN and their GIANTMANCOCKS will be on BIGGAYDAN’s TIGHTPINKANUS. He clenched his TIGHTPINKANUS instinctively. The jig was up. He was completely outnumbered. He knew what he had to do, but he didn’t want to do it. He scanned the scene of naked men one more time.

Openning his mouth, he let out a battle cry, “I AM A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL! I am Big. I am Gay. I am obviously Dan. I am… BIGGAYDAN!”

BIGGAYDAN wakes up, sweating profusely. He had that dream again. The one where he declares his gayness. “Maybe if I slept near my INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND’s PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES, I wouldn’t have these dreams.” He rubbed his hands across his face, letting reality sink back into himself. He glanced at the clock. “Four.”

He laid back and stared at the ceiling, a full-length naked photo of his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND. “That dream seemed so real.” He pondered the BIGGAYMEN chasing him. He looked down at his GIANTMANCOCK. Yup, he leaked a lot of precum during the dream. “No point in letting it GOTO waste…” He scooped the stinky fluid off his leg and rubbed it over his cock. He used his UBERWACKOFFMUSCLES to make his GIANTMANCCOCK grow. He was just about to close his eyes and moan gently like something out of a porno when he noticed something odd on his computer screen.

Not just a cock. Not just a giant cock. Not just a man cock. A GIANTMANCOCK. His stroking of his own GIANTMANCOCK slowed. How’d that get there? The screen flickered the cock a few times, then showed another cock. BIGGAYDAN rose from his bed, with his GIANTMANCOCK jutting out obscenely in front of him. He sat at his computer and moved the mouse, thinking it was some sort of sick screensaver trick. “What the fuck?” The screen went black again. Then text came up.

“Good morning, BIGGAYDAN.”

BIGGAYDAN saw a blinking cursor and wondered if he could type back. He assumed there had to be a logical explanation for this. He silently cursed when he noticed his GIANTMANCOCK was shrinking. How he loved admiring his GIANTMANCOCK. He began typing, thinking that if he stayed calm, he could retain his sanity.

“LISTEN, MOTHERFUCKER, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN MY COMPUTER?”

Calm, indeed, he concluded.

“You are in danger, BIGGAYDAN. All your base are belong to THEREPUBLICANMATRIX.”

Like the movie? BIGGAYDAN thought.

“If this is you, Timmy, I’m going to castrate you. I’M SICK and TIRED of your BIGGAYGAMES.”

He didn’t really think it was Timmy. But, who else did he know who could pull this off?

“Timmy loves you. Follow the butt plug.”

The screen went black again. He hit some keys on the keyboard, but nothing was echoed. He held the power button on his computer to restart it. It restarted as usual, Windows and all. He slumped back in his chair and idlely held his now shrunken GIANTMANCOCK. Follow the butt plug? You’ve gotta be kidding me.

For a moment, BIGGAYDAN silently stroked his GIANTMANCOCK, watching it grow from his stroking. He flexed his UBERWACKOFFMUSCLES and wondered if he’d rupture a blood vessel if he stroked too hard.

*knock knock knock*

“BIGGAYDAN, there’s some boys at the door for you,” his mom called, “Please tell them to go away, I have to listen to people bitch all day, I don’t need to listen to them.”

BIGGAYDAN looked down and noticed that he had a really big THUNDEROUSERECTION. You went down fast before… He ignored his GIANTMANCOCK and tossed some shorts and a shirt on, with his THUNDEROUSERECTION poking a tent in the fabric. He walked to the front door, wondering who it could be.

“HIII!!! HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS?”

A couple wearing “WE LOVE JESUS” shirts stared at BIGGAYDAN. BIGGAYDAN’s mom hated dealing with these types. She always had BIGGAYDAN deal with them. He handled this as he always dealt with it.

“Yes, I have in fact found Jesus. I’m surprised you haven’t.”

The couple seemed surprised and saddened. Probably because BIGGAYDAN had found Jesus and they hadn’t. BIGGAYDAN was ready for his follow-up when he noticed something in the man’s shirt-pocket. It couldn’t be. Could it?

“Excuse me, fellow JESUSLOVER, what is that you have in your pocket?”

The JESUSLOVER pulled the object out of his pocket, revealing it to be something that looked oddly like…

“It’s a butt plug. Oh, I’m sorry, we should have been more specific when we did our introduction. We believe that Jesus was gay, and loved having lots of HOTGAYSEX.”

BIGGAYDAN blinked, dumbfounded. This just keeps getting better…, BIGGAYDAN thought to himself.

Part II