Bang Bang Bruce Almighty

(GLADSTONE, NEW JERSEY) Not too long ago, Kinky DiaryMaster “Bang Bang” Bruce was just an ordinary webmaster. As the Kinky DiaryMaster of the Twenty Dollah Billz Club, Bang Bang Bruce was in charge of maintaining a website that thousands of loyal OD citizens frequented daily. Over time, it seems Bang Bang couldn’t keep up with the demands on his peasants. The Twenty Dollah Billz Club, and Original Formula Open Diary are well-coded in comparison to their rivals, like LiveJournal, but eventually Bang Bang couldn’t fix all the problems that kept popping up. Turns out that Bang Bang went to Chubb Institute, where he learned to cut corners in order to get things done.

Bang Bang got so frustrated that he lashed out at our Lord, demanding “Smite me, oh smitingful one!” Bang Bang even suggested that *gasp* God wasn’t doing such a good job! This amused Big G and He sought to help Bang Bang. He called Bang Bang’s cell phone, offering tech support to small businesses. Luring Bang Bang away to a warehouse, God gave Bang Bang all his powers.

Overcome with power, Bang Bang forgot all about the Twenty Dollah Billz Club and sought to make the DiaryMistress happy. He gave her orgasms every five minutes. Unfortunately, this causes her to crash into an 18-wheeler while driving. She broke a leg which was magically healed by Bang Bang. Bang Bang gave her bigger boobs, which gave her extreme backaches. He eliminated her period, which made her think she was pregnant with the DiaryBaby. He even gave her a diamond ring, which made her think he was stealing money from the Twenty Dollah Billz Club.

Big G pointed out to Bang Bang that he was an idiot, and that he wasn’t doing anything for the Twenty Dollah Billz Club. So Bang Bang created some SUPERFASTSERVERS to run the Twenty Dollah Billz off of. Unfortunately, they were so secure, he couldn’t access Open Diary at all. He made them “So God himself can’t crack them!” And so Bang Bang was left with a website he couldn’t maintain. Big G was so disappointed with Bang Bang that he stripped him of his Big G powers. Bang Bang was left with a website he couldn’t access, couldn’t fix, couldn’t.. do jack shit for. He wet his pants and hoped someone could hack his website for him.