BIGGAYDAN Enters THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, Part V

Part IV

BIGGAYDAN went with the JESUSFREAKS just like he had before. He made it past the bouncer, just like he did before. And arrived in a small private room before Timmy the Enchanter.

“BIGGAYDAN, I tried to tell you before. THEREPUBLICANMATRIX has you.”

“All I know is that those Republicans freak me out. You tease me, but they seem like a real threat to me. They can take away my right to vote!”

“You will find out soon, BIGGAYDAN. I am only offering you the BIGGAYTRUTH. If you choose the small pink butt plug again, you will have that dream again. But, THEREPUBLICANMATRIX will have you then, and there will be nothing I can do for you. Now, if you shove the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE up your ass, we’ll find out just how deep your ass goes.”

BIGGAYDAN took a deep breath. The only way is through.. He asked Timmy to avert his eyes as he shimmied down his pants, and he obliged. He pressed the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE up his ass and it slowly penetrated his TIGHTPINKANUS. Up, up and away it went into his ass. He thought it was impossible, but the entire length of the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE went up his ass.

Timmy clapped his hands. “Now’s when the fun begins.”

*init high-tech scene where BIGGAYDAN exits THEREPUBLICANMATRIX*

BIGGAYDAN wakes up, surrounded by an unknown liquidy substance. He reachs up, trying to find air. He manages to sit up, and wipes the substance out of his eyes. It’s white and creamy, and… oddly the consistency of semen. Holy shit, it is semen! He was about to scream, when he noticed his surroundings. Looking over outside his SEMENPOD, he saw thousands of naked men and women, covered in semen. This is … so gay.

A machine flies in front of BIGGAYDAN, in midair. Why it doesn’t just kill BIGGAYDAN, I have no idea, but it severes the physical connection to THEREPUBLICANMATRIX in the back of his head. All of the cords connected to BIGGAYDAN’s spine pop off, convincing BIGGAYDAN that he should have just stayed in bed. Then FLUSH. Down BIGGAYDAN goes, with the semen. He crosses his legs and crosses his arms, like he’s going down a waterslide. Wow, if it weren’t for those holes in my back, this might be fun.

Splash, BIGGAYDAN ends up in an underground lake. He struggles to swim, but slowly sinks. A spotlight shines in BIGGAYDAN, and a claw reaches into the water to save BIGGAYDAN from drowning in the murky water. He is laid on a table, barely conscious. The Real Slim Timmy, dressed like a pimp, stands over him.

“Am I dead?”

“Far from it. Welcome to the real world, BIGGAYDAN.”

Having been in THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, BIGGAYDAN’s muscles atrophied. *init scene with needles exclusively in BIGGAYDAN’s crotch* Timmy paces around BIGGAYDAN’s naked body. “I want his GIANTMANCOCK as strong as it would have been if he were in THEREPUBLICANMATRIX.”

Time passes. BIGGAYDAN wakes up to the post-apocalypic future. He’s wearing clean clothes, his hair is long and full of split ends, and he looks like he’s never shaved in his life. Disregarding his appearance, he realizes he needs to pee. Seeing only one exit, he gets up and walks to the door. It opens in the middle automatically and the next room is before him. Before him is an open room, apparently a recreation area of some sort. BIGGAYDAN sees Timmy playing pool, surrounded by a couple hot girls. After making a shot, Timmy looks up and sees BIGGAYDAN.

“Ah, you’re awake! How’s that GIANTMANCOCK of yours?”

“Well uh. I need to pee.”

Timmy points, “Try the door labeled MEN’S BATHROOM”

He looks behind him, and see the door next to him is the restroom. “Oh. Thanks.” He walks into the bathroom, the door automatically openning before him. He finds a urinal and stands before it. Unzipping his fly, he reaches into his pants and finds his weiner. He pulls it out. That’s when he looks down and notices it.

“OH MY GOD I HAVE A FORESKIN!”

Timmy chuckles to himself and hits the cue ball with his stick. BIGGAYDAN peed and came out of the bathroom.

“Okay, now WHY do I have… THAT down there?”

Timmy hits one last shot then puts the stick down to walk over to BIGGAYDAN. With girls still all around him. “Dear BIGGAYDAN, isn’t it obvious? You were never circumcized in the first place. Your hair was never cut, either. Same goes for your facial hair. It seems the machines respect the foreskin for what it is: a reproductive device. It’s much easier for them to get us to cum with our foreskins than without. Machines can’t give good handjobs, apparently.”

“Machines, what machines?”

“I suppose I’ll show you. Come with me.”

Timmy puts his arm around BIGGAYDAN and walks into what seems to be an elevator. All the hot girls follow them and squeeze into the turbolift.

“Hacking Central.” BIGGAYDAN glances at Timmy, then at all the hot girls stuffed into the turbolift.

“If you don’t mind me asking… How’d you get all these girls?”

All the girls roll their eyes at BIGGAYDAN.

“It’s a BIGGAYWORLD, in Zion. On all my previous missions, I’ve freed straight girls with the promise of fulfilling their every sexual desire. Why? THEREPUBLICANMATRIX can not handle blatant homosexuality. Most homosexuals are either killed at birth, or are in Zion, the last human city. Any homosexuals that are still in THEREPUBLICANMATRIX are still in the closet. I was freed, kind of by mistake. They thought I was gay. I just act gay. I’m.. not. Kind of a unique situation. A straight guy, surrounded by homos. The gay girls like me as a friend, but we all know they’ll never *like* me. I bet if I keep talking, the turbolift will never stop and the doors will never open.”

As soon as Timmy stops talking, the turbolift comes to a hault and the doors open. Timmy walks out, and raises his arms. “BIGGAYDAN, welcome to the USS TimmyShip. You know me as Timmy, but here I am Sir Colonel Mick Diddley Quack. TimmyShip is a hovercraft, so to speak. It’s five year mission, to explore strange new ways of pleasuring girls, to seek now new boobies, and new Vaginas. To boldly go where no Timmy has gone before.” *Star Trek theme plays*

BIGGAYDAN scanned the room. It looked almost like a sick bay. Several reclining seats with monitors around them. Across from the turbolift was a muscular man staring at several monitors. On the monitors was seemingly random characters streaming from the top to the bottom.

“BIGGAYDAN, you have met none of my crew. Mostly because I saw no reason to write them into the beginning of the story. Well, almost.”

Timmy and BIGGAYDAN walked halfway into the room. BIGGAYDAN saw her.

“My INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND!”

She turned around and smiled. “BIGGAYDAN!” She rose and hugged him, and they began to do some public displays of affection.

Timmy rolled his eyes. “I know how you can’t go five minutes without talking to her. I thought this would make it easier for you to help us. This way, you can be as gay as you want, and still fuck your girlfriend senseless at the end of the day.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Of course you’re not. We’ll get to that.”