The AutoFlamer 2003

From the creator of PussismTM, HOTGAYSEXTM, and all things TimmyTM-related, comes The AutoFlamerTM 2003: Twenty Dollah Billz Edition (v2.254).

If borrowing, please use the text in it’s entirety or ask for a newer version. Use, but do not abuse.

*insert name*, you are (a/an):

[ ] Drama King
[ ] Drama Queen
[ ] Drama Hermaphrodite
[ ] NoteWar starter
[ ] NoteWhore
[ ] DiaryWhore
[ ] Whore
[ ] Cunnilingus Connoisseur
[ ] Someone who claims to be “real”.
[ ] Someone who writes for “attention”.
[ ] Someone who can’t “write”.
[ ] Newbie
[ ] Mom
[ ] Flamer without an AutoFlamerTM
[ ] Bang Bang Bruce
[ ] Spammer
[ ] Lamer
[ ] Republican
[ ] Democrat
[ ] Communist
[ ] Nudist
[ ] Clueless
[ ] Think-You-Know-It-All
[ ] “Me Too!” person
[ ] Squatter
[ ] Christian/Jewish/Muslim
[ ] Atheist or “Don’t-give-a-damn-ist”
[ ] Transexual Nazi Eskimo
[ ] Feminist
[ ] Abusive father. You horrible person, you.
[ ] Hypocrite
[ ] Very low on the food chain
[ ] Person who hasn’t seen the sun
[ ] Immature teenager
[ ] Private diary
[ ] Slacking college student
[ ] Victim of something horrible society’s done to you
[ ] ShadowKat
[ ] Other:

You Are Being Flamed Because:

[ ] You tried to start a NoteWar
[ ] You copy/pasted without citing a reference
[ ] You noted on your own entry
[ ] You said absolutely nothing remarkable or Reader’s Choice-worthy.
[ ] You whined about the Twenty Dollah Billz Club being down
[ ] You posted survey
[ ] You use AOL
[ ] Your colors hurt my brain
[ ] You posted something totally uninteresting
[ ] You dared insult TimmyTM’s AutoFlamerTM
[ ] You posted a post consisting of nothing but CAPS
[ ] My God told me to do it
[ ] You failed to use a single line break in your entry
[ ] Your DiaryName has lots of ~~ or ++ or — and maybe even some superscript.
[ ] You insulted Bang Bang Bruce’s fine work
[ ] What you posted was (insert word)-ist
[ ] What you posted would make a porn star blush
[ ] You have herpes.
[ ] You don’t know what “punctuation” is
[ ] You tried to spread religion
[ ] You tried to spread herpes
[ ] You left an insulting note for no reason
[ ] You left a note without reading the entry
[ ] You left a note and I just decided to block you, flame you, and tell everybody that you blow goats.
[ ] You have a diary with one entry, and are not on the list of people who’ve joined lately.
[ ] You made a “____ rules!” post
[ ] You sound like a little horny kid
[ ] Would you stop being on RC?
[ ] You DARE threaten Darth Dubya’s IMPERIALPENISOFFREEDOM
[ ] You could had used e-mail
[ ] Frankly, I don’t like you
[ ] We don’t care what your body looks like and neither should you
[ ] You tried to start another Tabloid
[ ] You tried to start another DM2PM
[ ] You tried to start over your own diary
[ ] You don’t seem to get the concept of a “diary”
[ ] You have insulted me, and the Auto-FlamerTM will see you right!
[ ] You are ShadowKat and none of your RC entries are ever really worth reading. We all know that.
[ ] Other:

To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Back over your modem with a truck
[ ] Write a 1000 word minimum essay about why Vaginas rule.
[ ] Type “Format C:” at the DOS prompt.
[ ] Hang yourself with your mouse
[ ] Light a candle and swallow it
[ ] Become Michael Jackson’s love slave
[ ] Do the nasty with Strum Thurmond. Hey, he’s only RECENTLY deceased!
[ ] Drop your current host and get AOL
[ ] Install Windows Millenium on your computer
[ ] Play with fire
[ ] Post something interesting
[ ] Watch nothing but Sorority Boys for a week
[ ] Listen to nothing but Kenny G for a week
[ ] Learn the English language
[ ] Learn the German language and wear swastika on your forehead
[ ] Stick your weiner (or other soft/squishy appendage) into a light socket
[ ] Go back to FOD while we circle jerk on your diary
[ ] Blade yourself and rub salt into the wound
[ ] Become familiar with the term “punctuation”
[ ] Rip off the CAPS LOCK from your keyboard
[ ] Submit to your religion’s negative characters/characteristics and live a life of shame
[ ] Get beaten by several angry monkeys
[ ] Go bungee jumping with a cordless bungee cord
[ ] Stare at Timmy’s bum for an hour while eating jello
[ ] Never use the CAPS LOCK again
[ ] All Of The above
[ ] If you are ShadowKat, you must become Zombywoof’s blowjob slave for a week. That’ll teach you.
[ ] Other:

In Closing, I’d Like to Say:

[ ] Shut the fuck up!
[ ] You obviously aren’t what your age says.
[ ] You obviously aren’t what your sex says.
[ ] Learn how to use “punctuation”, will ya?
[ ] OMGBIGGAYDAN.
[ ] You’re dumber than Dubya.
[ ] If you’re that unhappy, GOTO LiveJournal or some shit.
[ ] Learn how to use HTML.
[ ] Quit your whining/complaining!
[ ] I feel sorry for your family.
[ ] Does your mama know you’re here?
[ ] There’s a little thing called “grammar”. . . try using it.
[ ] Please kick a biker gang’s motorcycles over.
[ ] Ooooh Caaaannnaaddaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
[ ] DON’T PISS ON HOSPITALITY.
[ ] I love you, Bang Bang Bruce.
[ ] You must like getting hit by the Auto-FlamerTM, huh?
[ ] Whoo’s your Timmy?!
[ ] (Racial slur)
[ ] Learn to respect the authority of the Vagina.
[ ] Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?
[ ] Stop posting crap!
[ ] I see they based Forrest Gump on you.
[ ] Didn’t I see you on Tabloid? Not that I read that…
[ ] All your diary are belong to us.
[ ] Hey wait… you ARE a horny little kid!
[ ] You suck and that’s sad.
[ ] ShadowKat has herpes.
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Other:

*Auto-FlamerTM music plays*

“To Protect OpenDiary From Devastation”
“To Unite All Diaries In Bruce’s Nation”
“To Denounce The Evils Of Cheaps And Lies”
“To Lower Our Pants And Unzip Our Flies”
“Dalamar”
“Auto-FlamerTM. . .”
“Team AutoFlamerTM Blasts Off At The Speed of Light”
“Post Something Interesting Now, Or Prepare To Fight!”

“Me ow! I’m right!”

Give most credit to TimmyTM. And credit to author of the Original AutoFlamer, Dalamar, of the Romance Forums. The Romance Forums is a now defunct site TimmyTM visited from `98 to `99, until it’s untimely demise. Dalamar and others on the Romance Forums also created: LAIDTM, Santaism, and MojoTM.

Disclaimer: TimmyTM recommends against using the AutoFlamer to “insult” or “flame” someone. He also highly recommends against use for the purpose of “looking cool”. The “AutoFlamer 2003” is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant for actual flaming. (Unless you know of a way to bypass the note length restriction…) Any smiting that our Kinky DiaryMaster, Bang Bang Bruce, does to any user of the aforementioned “AutoFlamer 2003” is not the responsibility of TimmyTM or the former creator of “AutoFlamer 2000 (v1.0)”. Please all laugh and/or give suggestions for what else could be added to AutoFlamer 2003.