The Moment We’ve Been Waiting For.

I had this master plan. I was going to start with good news that I got a job. Then post pictures. Then flow to TimmyPremium™. I even resized the pictures. But I can’t for the life of me figure out how to send files to my webspace. Ever since they required the SSH security protocol, I haven’t been able to do any ftping. I’ve gone through multiple strategies. Straight ftp tells me that I need SSH. If I login to http://ftp.eden.rutgers.edu using SSH and then try to “send”, it’ll tell me the command is invalid. If I then try to use ftp from that prompt, it’ll tell me I’m not connected. Which makes sense because I’m pretty much running ftp off the Rutgers server, yet that program is not connected to that server.

Right. God damn it. God damn it all to hell. I LOOK SEXY IN THESE PICTURES. That’s why I wanted to post them. If I could just get one to upload, I’d be happy. But no. I’ve spent the better part of the evening staring at a black box, typing in archaic commands.

I’ll try downloading another application and see if it works.

Anyway.

It’s almost midnight. I knew I should have written this earlier. Pray I don’t wake up too late.

So I woke up today at 7:30. The sun was shining in my room. I felt.. refreshed. I was done sleeping. I got out of bed and hauled my naked bum to the shower. I dressed. Had a bagel and some instant ass. I shaved. I looked good. I felt good. I filled out the two applications that I’ve had for a week. Keeping with rhythm, I went out to the van.

…But before handing them in, I decided to scout Panera Bread. Erik used to work there. Hell, Mary works there. (…At one in Maryland. Ha ha. The Land of Mary.)

I was hired on the spot. I got there right before the lunch crowd, so he handed me all the paperwork JUST before a crowd hit. I really wasn’t that nervous. It’s as I’ve always said, getting started is the hard part. I’m fine with eye contact, standing up straight, and making intelligent chit-chat. When I got home, I had two hot dogs.

Hey, I was hungry.

And I’m skimming like a motherfucker. But there’s always a backstory that we’re just too goddamn lazy to detail out.

I’m really fucking cursing like a son of a bitch in this entry, aren’t I?

*smirks*

I guess I want a quiet personal celebration. My own party in my pants. Except not in my pants at all.

I was feeling so good about myself that I took pictures of my mug. Which you may see if WinSCP works. It’s loading and displaying the directories. Awfully slow, but functioning. I’ll try to send a file. Aaaanndd…

Andd…

….

…

It goes. IT GOES. God damn.

So uh. I guess I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs while it uploads.

No. No wait. I can write the displaying html. Right. One line of text, then copy it a couple times, then change the filename. Works every time.

(1)

(2)

(3)

(4)

(5)

(6)

(7)

(8)

(9)

(10)

(11)

(12)

I’m sure the lot of you have creamed your pants as the cry for nudies has been constant since I got my hair. Yup. Nudies. My face is naked.

I was looking at what’s on my camera, and I noticed that I have pictures from last August on there. Included was the last series of pictures I took in the dorm. Me posing with my long hair. Doing my thing.

Carolyn used to say, and still says, how my hair hid my face. I prefer to think “frame”.

Oh. Hmm. I “moved” when I should have.. But. What the hell? It took the original files off my computer. And onto my webspace.

…

Oh, no matter. I have the originals on my camera.

I resized all the pictures to 700 x ..whatever that magical number is. I just know that if you look at OD at full-screen (like I do), 700 pixels in the entry frame is enough to fit a picture. Or enough so it doesn’t explode too much and make the entry uncomfortable? The standard minimum max resolution is 1024 x 768, these days. This LCD is set to 1280 x 1024. (I typed 960, but then double-checked.)

..What the hell?

Forbidden

You don’t have permission to access /~yammit/OD/forentry1.jpg on this server.

——————————————————————————–

Apache/1.3.31 Server at http://www.eden.rutgers.edu Port 80

God damn it. You mean I need to set the security on these fuckers? Who the hell decided to Patriot Act sent files by default?

Okay, trying to set all the files to allow reading by others.

..and it still says no. I can’t get no respect.

Anyway. My crackpot idea.

Are you tired of not seeing Timmy’s penis every day in his entries?

Do you wish you could know when Timmy takes a dump?

Do you want AccuTimmy forecasts on when he’s going to brush his teeth?

Do you wish you had a thousand cameras around Timmy’s house and surrounding area so you could watch Timmy’s life from the comfort of your TV?

Do you want the full Timmy Experience?

Then maybe you should subscribe to TimmyPremium™!

(Hey, I’m poor, and I’m going to have a child to raise, soon!)

TimmyPremium™ brings you everything you know about Timmy, and all the backstories he’s too goddamned lazy to write out. Like how he had a bagel this morning. Oh sure, you can read him skim over it. But did you know it had cream cheese? These are the details thatscatter his life. The details that can BRING YOU ENTERNALHAPPYFUNFUNJOY!

Are you depressed? Are you lonely? Do you wish you had somebody you could obsess over so you could ignore all your pain? If so, TimmyPremium™ is the answer for you. With TimmyPremium™, you will receive a two life-size TimmyClone™ Dolls, for you and a friend to molest whenever you want. Both dolls come anatomically correct, molded directly from Timmy’s own body. Dolls also come with a complete wardrobe of TimmyClothes™ to dress your TimmyClone™ with. If you call now, the dolls will come preprogrammed with various sweettalk such as

“Oh baby, I want a bite of your cheese.”

“Please let me slip my hot dog between your buns.”

“It’s okay, I love getting taco all over my face when I eat.”

“Don’t take it all at once, or you’ll choke.”

“We will be able to have more intimate conversation if we’re naked.”

“We need to make the pie go higher.”

“Your basement is flooded, want me to fish my hose into it?”

..And more classic sex dialogue that is sure to dampen your knickers.

You’ll not only get to see Timmy live, you’ll get to know what’s going on inside him. From a data panel that will be sent to you, you will be able to see…

Current temperature of Timmy’s anus.

Mass of food in stomach.

cc’s of urine in bladder.

Volts, amps, and ohms of electromagnetic current through his shoulders, hips, feet, nose, and penis.

cc’s of blood in Timmy’s penis.

The content of a thousand vitamins and minerals in Timmy’s bloodstream.

And other fascinatings facts you can tell your friends!

Did you know that over a million characters of thought cross Timmy’s mind every day? Only a small percentage of this ever is communicated to the public. If you don’t subscribe to TimmyPremium, you simply aren’t absorbing everything Timmy has to offer. Timmy has had an implant in his brain which allows all his thoughts to be inputed into a computer and converted to mp3 format. Any visual processing is converted to convenient jpg and divx formats. Want to know exactly what Timmy thinks about when he’s looking at boobies? NOW YOU CAN KNOW.

It’s more than a pay site. It’s more than a hardcore TimmyPorn channel. It’s more than a replacement for your previous, inferior life. It’s more than reality TV on crack. It’s more than a manslut prostitute. It’s more than a complete breach of privacy into Timmy’s life. It’s more than an excuse to masturbate all day long. It’s a cause. That’s right, it’s a cause. Don’t be passive. Be active with Timmy and GIVE HIM MONEY TO LIVE.