I think…

  I think I’m locked in a loop, a sort of endless spiral that isn’t getting me much of anywhere but older.

I think I learned how to survive what I thought was The Worst Thing, and so have been able to survive other Things,

but I think I don’t know what to do after that or how to do it.

I’m kinda slow that way, I think.  I don’t think I’m as smart as people think I am.

Locked in a loop is kind of the way it seems to have been; I’m coming up towards finishing my 14th year year here, in this place, at this desk.

That’s almost three times as long as I have lived anywhere in this life.

I feel like I’ve washed up here, having surfed through life or something.

I think that the father down you start, the farther up it looks.

I’ve always thought getting back up was the most important thing, that just living was enough.

 

 

 

 *****