stressy tear-attack, written at 3am

I’m so scared.

I can’t stop crying, shaking.

I’m scared I’ll have to say goodbye again

Why does it have to be so much effort just for us to be together?!

I’m not strong enough to do this.

I have to call the visa-type people ASAP. Need to find out what has to be done, the stuff I can’t  work out myself from online. I don’t want to risk being rejected.

I’m absolutely terrified that I still have times of being alone. I can’t handle this. I look like I’m coping fine, I appear to be strong, but then I stop and think of what needs to be done and I start bawling. I can’t sleep, I can hardly eat. I’m hardly able to function alone, let alone call and talk to strangers on the phone in order to work all this out.

I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T COPE AS HALF A BRAIN I NEED HIM I NEED HIM HERE NOW.

I NEED HIS SUPPORT, HIS LOVE, HIM. HERE

(this song, on repeat, was what finally calmed me down enough to sleep…) 

Far Away – Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Hold on to me and, never let me go