Letter To Bar

(an e-mail to the co-owner of a beautiful bar I’m trying to secure for a scene)

hi I’m Martin Wurst and yes…I’m the wurst.

anyway, I’m shooting my first feature film and ______ is one of my dream locations, so I would like to know WHAT will it take to make this dream possible- IF it’s possible. (raises eyebrow)

I’ll tell you right now I would only need 3-4 hours at the most, I’m not from a studio, I’m about a crew of 5 people and I’ve got barely any money- at least most movies definition of money, but I am willing to pay a chunk of my measily budget to make it happen.

Wow, what an appealing offer, I know!

On the other hand, I could beg, I would clean your toilets or do any shameless demeaning job for weeks in order to match your price, I would write a book of poetry about how wonderful you are and how most poets are morons for not already swooning over ____ through beautiful prose and I would compose a song and play it on the ukulele!

Wow, even less appealing!

I know it’s a longshot, but I wouldn’t waste my time unless I thought the film was going to be something special and I understand in order to keep the bar open it has to be worth it.  Maybe you can name a price and I can raise the money.

Either way, I appreciate the fact that you made it this far into the e-mail and I’m sure you’re busy with important things.

thank you for reading and happy holidays!

-Marty-

her reply:

LOL… Hi Marty,

Love the email and you certainly have a very special way with words!
While I would love to help you… we have a clause in our lease with the
landlord that requires a minimum fee of $1500 so that is about the best
I can do.

Thank you for loving our space… I’m a bit partial to it as well!

~Co-Owner-

after a heart murmur- a good one though, I wrote back:

I could do 1500. what does that mean though- 1500 and hour?
Is there a specific procedure, would I have the pleasure of dealing directly with you?
Because I could tune my ukulele right now.

with questions,

Marty

She wrote back:

it is for exactly what you stated 3 hours, no closure of my business
operation, 5 peeps, no generators or extensive cameras or set up.

-co-owner-

ME:

That is amazing, YOU are amazing and THIS is amazing.

(kicks a school bus through a field goal)

thank you. I will be pestering you again real soon.

-Marty-

HUZZAH! I’ll make damn sure my actors are ready.

Probably won’t shoot it until the New Year is over.

-Marty-