Tinder and Best Friends

For the ten thousandth time I re-downloaded Tinder because, while I know it’s mostly trash, there’s still a part of me that’s like, but what if my soulmate is on there and I never meet him because I’m too judge-y and refuse to lower myself to Tinder? So, here I am at 10:30 on a Wednesday night, talking to a guy who I have literally zero intentions of ever meeting up with because a) 3/4 of his pictures are motorbikes (am I conversing with an actual motorbike? According to his photos, yes I am) and b) he just spelt ‘good’ like ‘gewd’ but in a serious way, as though it’s the normal and chill thing to do. Am I picky and easily turned off by the smallest of things? Yup. But do I want to change my attitude and date a man(/motorbike?) who spells a simple English word in the most horrendous way possible? Fuck no.

God, I hate Tinder…not enough to stop giving it whirl every few months though.

Aside from moping about, cursing my eventual and unavoidable lonely death, I also went out and had dinner with my old best friend from high school tonight. I know I wrote about her here a lot back in the day; we did everything together so it would have been hard for her not to have featured prominently in most of my entries. I’m not sure what I used to call her, though (I gave everybody new names on here in case any bad Internet people hunted down little 14 year old me), but let’s just call her D (because I’m still secretly worried about bad internet people). It was so great to see her again and despite having been pretty absent in each others’ lives for the past two years, we slipped right back in together as though we were back in high school. She was always the outgoing, loud one and I took a lot of my cues from her because I was the quieter, more awkward one. Years later and even though I feel like I’m an entirely different person, it’s still very much the same. D does a lot of the talking, I do a lot of the listening. But not in a bad way or anything;  it’s just how it’s always worked with us and it felt so comfortable to fall back into those old ways. To be fair, I do a tad bit more talking nowadays but I guess that’s just because we both had so much to share after missing out of two years worth of boy drama, and family stuff, and the horrors of being adults with full time jobs.

I do honestly still love D with all my heart and would gladly help her bury a body at 3am if she asked (‘gladly’ is probably not the best word to use there), I hope we see more of each other instead of letting it go so long between catch ups. I don’t really talk to any of my other high school friends and it’s just nice to have someone who was there through all my weird teenage phases, somebody who really knows me. I think with a lot of my more recent friends, I definitely put on this outgoing, bubbly facade and that’s who they think I am which to an extent is true, I guess, but its not all of me. D knows the other side where I’m quiet and content to just sit and listen, not be the centre of attention. I appreciate that about her, she never once made me feel inadequate or like I wasn’t what a typical girl should be, she just took me for me and rolled with it. Writing about all this is making me sad that we aren’t so close anymore so I’m going to stop.

Until next time,

Ashleigh