Breakdown…but survived

Greeting, Gentle Hearts! Inspite of all the personal attacks on my character…real or imagined I stand strong. I’ve been meloncholy ever since a week ago. Last Monday I experienced the worst anxiety attack in ages. I was at work and all of a sudden a dark cloud descended on me and my heart pounded. I was surrounded by 100 kids who were asking me a dozen questions all at one time. My friend, Ivonne noticed how quiet and reserved I’ve been these past few days.

On Thursday of last week my Boss and I had a meeting.

He suggested I go to the different schools just to hand out flyers for Story Hour that we offer. I told him quite blankly that I have not means of transportation and that I have excruciating back pain from my scoliosis.

He then said that I could contact the teachers in which ever way was best for me. Good! I am very adapt in sending out flyers by means of the mailman and electronically and on the phone.

The library is going to sponser several events starting Friday, “Read Across America Day” and ending in July.

I am having fun preparing the displays and arranging books on the shelves and getting the material ready.

When I came out of the meeting with my Boss I asked Ivonne to relieve me so I could take a break. She barked that I had spent all morning on the computer (sure..getting titles of books ready for the “Read Across America Program”) I was left without an afternoon break 🙁

As if this wasn’t all, My brother had gotten hold of my IP Address and got me all nervous and bothered by the fact that he can tap into my Pc without my knowledge.

Then I read a distrubing post in one of my clubs that really upset me big time.

Last Monday there was an incident at work and the security guard quit because of an angry mother whose daughter and friends were acting obnoxiously and the security guard told to leave. My boss made Al to look like a jerk for doing his job and told the girls they could stay. Al told Vader off and told him he quit!

How awful! Now the library doesn’t have any security guard and the kids we get there are punks!

I have been under stress for some time now.

I had an argument with my mother on Sunday and was really upset. I cried all morning Monday but went and confronted my mother and we patched things up. She supports me whole-heartedly with my relationship with Alex. Now I just have to do my part and trust everyone involved and move forward with my plans.

So last Monday I experienced a severe anxiety attack.

I’m breathing in/out and have been talking to someone who can help me now so I am fine but just so exhausted.

Inspite of all this..I still stand.

I am 8 days short of my 38th Birthday. I am stronger now than in many years before and more self-confidant.I still am trying to fight off all the different opinions others have of me. It’s a never-ending struggle when all your life you’ve heard everyone’s opinions and formed your life according with the image everyone has made you to become. It is my New Year’s Resolution to quiet those voices and become the woman I choose to be and not rely on anyone’s opinion of myself. I am not perfect nor will I ever be..I am just a woman who is doing my best from day to day and am trying to be the best of whom I choose to be with a chance for self-improvement along the way. I want to be loved just the way I am.

Here is a recent picture of me I took on February 11th, 2001

SensualRose @}>->->->-