Day 10

I feel pretty good today.  I think it is because I had a soccer game tonight, which I love.  Although I re-injuried my ankle… again.  The same injury has set me back for like 4 months now, I let it heal and then within a couple games the same injury occurs on the most routine play.  We won tonight 3-1, it could have been more if I had just capalitized on the chances I had… I messed up on all of them, got a few good shots away but nothing in the back of the net.

Days are becoming easier now,  however I have smoked weed a bit more than usual.  I was at the grocery store the other day and a buddy who works there was working.  He told me he had some good bud and I had to try it, so he gave me 2 dimes for $10.  So now I have a mini supply of weed at home, something to do I guess when doing nothing else.  But I am not going to go down that road again, already had my time with cutting back on Pot consumption.

I was reading through my previous journal the other day, and if I didn’t write for those 4 years, I would have not remembered a damn thing.  If you read though it I am getting fucked up in every entry.  EVERY ENTRY, there is some sort of mind altering substance involved.  What kind of life am I living?  How do I pull it off?  I have had multiple people tell me they thought I was very straight edge when smoking a joint or drinking with them for the first time.  I told you I hide it well.

I am beginning to look at drinking as a negative thing… when I say “drinking” I mean beinge drinking, not just having one, two drinks with friends.  It is kind of weird, lately on tv there have been more incidents about people getting drunk and making a fool of their self.  I wonder was I ever like this?  If I was, I feel so embarrased. Although from what I remember when I drink alot I am a very relaxed drunk. Although, the sober mind can perceive things alot differently than the intoxicated one.  It just seems pathetic to go out and get wasted all the time, even though that is what I was doing.  I look at it, as why?  Why would I do it, what is the difference between going to a party and being sober, or going to a party and getting hammered?  I’ll tell you the diffrence…. the party is exactly the same, people are there, you chat, you tell stories, you laugh and have a good time.  The difference is the next day, when you drink at the party the next day is a complete write off, and  you don’t remember the night all that well, it is all just a blur.  The sober route sounds like a better choice when I think about it.

Music of the Moment: Blink 182 – Untitled
Today I Feel: Clear, clean, healthy.