Day 78

When I was younger, I use to think that when I went to party’s people would drink because that is what happens at parties. That is how you would live life to the fullest. You were experiencing. You were enjoying life. I’m sure I was to an extent. I don’t regret all those parties I use to go to. It is when the parties stopped yet I continued that I do regret. There were many Friday nights where I would stay at home alone, put on some tunes and drink. I was content doing that. If somebody would call to ask me out, sometimes I would go only if it involved more beer. Otherwise I would stay in.

Where did I cross that line? Where did it go from enjoying the party and having some drinks to having drinks to enjoy the party? Was it ever about enjoying the party? I’m thinking back right now and I don’t think there ever was a line for me. I think it has always been in me to drink excessively. I thought it was natural to want to drink more, if you had a beer, you naturally would want another one. Why wouldn’t you? As time went on, I noticed that I would drink more than others. Even people who were much bigger than me, I could drink under the table. I took pride in this for a while, but now looking back it was foolish and nothing to be “proud” of.

I’m happy to no longer drink. It just feels so much better to not have to put up with the rollercoaster ride that is drinking. To feel yourself going into a big bender, where in the end you feel like you have died. To finally feel like I am not just going through the motions during the day, only to “come to life” once I have had my first beer in the evening. What a sad life I was leading. How deep would the rabbit hole go? I like to think I hit rock bottom, but I don’t think I did. I think I only got a glimpse of what I could really lose.

There really are no positives to drinking when I think about it. I use to think there were, for example; 1. Drinking gives you liquid courage. All drinking really does is kill your in ambitions and tricks your mind that you are coming off smooth, when really it is quite the opposite. 2. Drinking makes you more social. In reality, you are less social. I don’t know where along the line alcohol became a social stimulant. Alcohol is actually a depressant. When you drink conversation slowly degrades until it is senseless chatter. This is not a social stimulant, you just don’t realize how redundant and irrelevant your conversation has become therefore you think you are having great conversation. 3. You need drinking to have fun. Drinking is not needed to have fun; it is needed for people who are not fun in the first place. These people don’t have any hobbies or interests that are worthy of talking about so they resort to drinking (see #2). 4. Drinking enhances things. For some reason there is a common belief that drinking “adds” to things, such as watching a sporting event or at a concert. Drinking does not add to these things it only takes away because it numbs your body from taking in everything, so you miss out on things.

Today is 78 days for me. I feel better each and everyday I progress on this journey.

Music of the Moment: Treble Charger – Red
Today I Feel: Mellow