Thinking Problem

Well I’m still chugging along here.
I am not counting the days anymore…

My girlfriend wants to go away sometime soon. I do too, but don’t really have the money. I have other priorities right now. Anyway, point is she really doesn’t know that I have quit drinking. Cause she was talking about going to an all inclusive resort, and she started talking about being able to drink whatever you want and it is all included. She mentioned the Pina Colada that we had had in Puerto Rico that was really good… and said “You could have those things all day and it doesn’t cost you anything…” I just said; “hmmm….” I didn’t know what to say.

I know I can’t drink. I want to drink. I just know, I can’t drink. I know if I have a drink, I will want another drink. Then it will all start again, and I’ll be back to drinking every night. Wasting cash on going to pubs… making excuses to have a drink. Drinking at 11am on weekends. I don’t want that. I would love to have a drink. I would love to be able to sit back and have a beer and be cool with that. I CAN’T. That voice starts inside of me… screaming for more, once I get that first pint in me, the flood gates open. I will drink until I don’t have cash, or don’t have beer for the most part. That’s not social drinking. That’s the sign of a problem. A problem I want to put in my past. I don’t like to look at it as a “drinking problem” it is more a thinking problem. I am unable to think about just having a beer. At minimum one drink will turn into 3 pints. Sometimes I had control to stop there, but that was still enough to have a pretty good buzz.

Anyway… drinking is something I don’t want anymore. I feel much better without it.

Over Christmas, my girlfriends parents gave me a $30 gift certificate for the Beer store… I thanked them for it. The certificate sits on my desk right by my computer. I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t want to throw it out… maybe I can sell it to somebody for like $25, giving them $5 off their next beer purchase and I get $25. I dunno.

Music of the Moment:

Today I Feel: