Brilliant Idea for Anti-Theft Strategy

I just had an idea I want to jot down so I don’t forget it like all my other Brilliant Ideas.  I got it by talking to Mikey.  He mentioned he has a friend who had a laptop and giant LCD monitor stolen from his apartment.  In order to get to the monitor the thieves had to move his bong – thus leaving their fingerprints on it.  His friend was wondering whether it would be a stupid idea to hand the bong over for fingerprinting.  It isn’t quite as stupid an idea as it sounds if he can’t find fingerprints on his other stuff: it depends how much resin is in the billy and even if it’s enough to do something about it, this guy has never been caught before so he’d just get a canabis caution, which is basically nothing.

But that isn’t important – I need to write about my Brilliant Idea.

Mine is a very cheap anti-theft strategy because it’s based on psychology rather than alarms or traps.  Imagine this:  you’re a burglar.  Or robber.  Whatever the politically correct  term is these days.  Anyway, you’ve scoped out a house, and waited for the owners to be out.  You come up to the house and there’s a note on the door:  "Dear Burglar(s), the front door is deadlocked and reinforced.  We suggest you use the rear, as the screen door is easy to rip and the back door lock is easily jimmied open with a screw driver.   We won’t be back until 8pm.  Regards, Your Victims"  That would make you freak out just a little, wouldn’t it?

When you go around the back, you’ll find the note gave good advice.  As you enter, there’s another note.  "Welcome!  Don’t bother with the VCR – it’s rat shit – but if you go to the second bedroom on the left, you’ll find a brand new TV, and an unopened Wii in the cupboard waiting as a Christmas present. Enjoy.  P.S. Avoid the garage, the dog is locked in there."

When they get to the bedroom, the TV is there with a remote control sticky taped to its side with a sign saying "Don’t forget the remote!  We put new batteries in it yesterday for you."   The Wii is wrapped up with a card that reads "To our dearest junkies, may our electronic goods bring you as much as they would have brought us".   Throughout the house are useful post-it notes trying to make it easier for the burglars.

Finally by now any reasonably scattered fiending house-burglar-robber-person will  be thoroughly freaked out.  It’s like the owners have known about them coming and are leading them into a trap.  It’s way too suspicious.  The TV might be booby-trapped, the Wii might have a tracking device, or the whole thing might be on tape.  Most burglars have either taken drugs to help them do the job, or have run out of drugs, which is why they’re doing the job.  Either way, they’re paranoid enough as it is and most people will just get the fuck out of there.    And the beauty of it is that any time you go away, you just have to set your house up like that, without ACTUALLY going to the trouble of making the booby traps and so on.  

Though, booby traps would be awesome.