OD friendship w/ an exceptionally beautiful woman

The rest can wait. The young and attractive woman tells of an alcoholic mother and a father who is and has always been emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive toward just about everyone in her family, including her. Many of her struggles trace directly to the dire need to process the giant setbacks that were her parents. She needs to apply herself to therapy and I know that she has what it takes to get herself there and to return smelling just like the rose which everyone sees upon laying eyes on her exterior.

I chanced upon this young woman’s diary more than three years ago, and from it’s inception she hasn’t hesitated to lay it all out there for others to read. She tells of a father who is clearly a racist as well as his being someone who sexually harrasses women at just about every job he has ever known. She also shares that he once cleaned the shower curtain while she was showering on the other side!! Not only that, but she speaks of having once witnessed her father raping her mother less than five years ago.

She speaks admiringly of a half-sister who didn’t have to be around (this woman’s) dear old dad until (half-sister) was seven years old. I sense that to account for much of the reason the half sister is married and seemingly thriving while at the same time being a good source of support and understanding for the younger half-sister. I’m guessing that the most pronounced impacts of her father’s vicious personality came upon my friend at or before the age of five, and that the half-sister mercifully didn’t have to endure impressions made that early.

My friend recognizes her own intelligence and has amazing career goals for herself, yet through high school, and despite being physically attractive by almost any definition, she never knew romance.

The other day she walked through a crowded room at her University and clearly noticed that almost every guy near to her turned for a second look at her exterior. She quickly followed-up that admission by saying: "it sounds conceited (to say)". It piques my curiosity about how a person evolves to know that sort of an experience as her norm. I’m reminded of having once been at the top of a giant stairway with my favorite prostitute and, upon noticing young males elbow others to draw their attention to the buxom woman at my side, I was unsure of whether to remain there beside her or walk in front of her so as not to obstruct the viewing.

Hers is the degree of physical beauty which doesn’t truly turn up in my sexual fantasies, because I never really imagine myself with such a striking individual. Instead of being a paid sexual companion for the likes of me, I’d be more content to have someone like that just sit across the table at a restaurant as I took-in her exceptional face with my gaze. I can’t even figure out how some males can stare at her chest for a long while when it means removing their attention from her soothing face.

It’s such a rare-to-me phenomenon to be considerably sought-after for her looks like this fellow Open Diarist seems to be. Of course none of it surprises me, because her photo radiates off the page, and that is without so much as hinting at the full bosom or the otherwise slim figure below.  A photo she shared of her as a little girl reminds one of JonBenet Ramsey without the layers of make-up.

Everything about her adds up to an internal powder-keg which is bound to go off at some point because that horrible family background just sits there like a lit fuse. Unfortunately a woman like her can find consolation in the physical form of any of the interested men within close proximity at almost all times.

As of roughly three years ago the woman was a virgin, and now she expresses some concern about her "number", and what it will mean to her and to others. Over the last three years she has had one lengthy romance (with a young man at college in a different state) and another of smaller duration with a young man who attends her university.

She also speaks of "fuck buddies", and I’m caused to observe that I’d surely be indulging myself that way, too, if the opportunity were in the cards for me. I haven’t gained the sense that she has cheated on anyone with any of these "fuck buddies" or in any other way… but she just indulges, because the offers are there, and because she has options in numbers greater than most, and which don’t really exist at all for me (outside of paid companionship).

The woman is a wounded soul right now as the second relationship mentioned above fell apart earlier this month. The most recent boyfriend had doubled as her confidant as the earlier, longer relationship was evolving toward its end. Males don’t typically do that "unqualified friendship" thing, as they are more probably "in line" to be next on a woman’s dance card. So my young OD friend is presently smarting for having lost both her latest romance and her confidant all at once.

Most anyone envious or desirous of her beauty would ponder how young men blessed with her hand in romance could walk away from such good fortune. Well the answer is clearly tied directly to those dysfunctional parents, and traits which she learned/acquired with the above-described father as her main male role model.

The woman is as sharp as a whip, and her english and grammar are exceptional, while clearly her external appeal trumps that of a giant majority of others. She hears the logic and sensibility in my words and suggestions about taking care of the past, but I sense that it is just too easy to open up the door in the morning, with good intentions, only to find yet another could-be, would-be suitor entirely willing to take interest in her as she is now.

Maybe the equation in which she is tangled is a lot like trying to get me to buy sexual favors in some situation where women would clamor with one another to offer me their sexual company for free.

I’ve been fortunate enough to chat online with this woman many times in recent weeks, and while that name on the "friends" list represents a vision of an excitingly beautiful woman, the equation just doesn’t add up unless there are tones and elements of her personality which cannot be easily represented by written words.

It is entirely OK that she is no more and no less than the product of a horrible upbringing, and it is funny to imagine that had she known my upbringing she’d probably be the belle of the ball right now. Even her own mother asks her: "what’s it like to be pretty?"

She states: "When someone takes me in and loves me, it’s uncomfortable and unnatural to me."

then asks: "Why is it so much harder to allow yourself to be loved than it is to be on your own?" (standard expectation from somebody whose male role model is so abusive to this day)

She adds: (about the last question: ) "That answer could probably solve my singleness and my relationship problems."

While still in high school, she pondered the followi

ng:

""You only accept the love you think you deserve.""

"I heard that somewhere… from a friend maybe. I wonder if I don’t think I deserve it…"

Surely the exterior appeal she carries on a daily basis brings a whole lot of "comfort" her way in much the same way as others go to the gourmet ice cream case for comfort. Everyone knows that the ice cream never solves the problem, but when it’s a living, breathing, human being nestled oh-so-close (even if for selfish indulgence of his own), it makes sense that a lot of people let themselves believe that gourmet ice cream like this can solve something.

Unfortunately one potential path into the future would have her married or at least attached long term to a future-day gourmet ice cream, and then, from that depth, she could really struggle to extract herself from the present and toward the recovery and then true happiness which she deserves.

I would so appreciate it if anyone reading, with any past or present experiences with receiving emotional counseling or therapy at a college or university would share their experiences via notes on this entry.

Yes, she is a majorly attractive woman, and yes, we tend to bend over too much and go too far out of our way to do anything and everything for such people. In this case I justify it by considering the appalling admissions about the environment in which she was brought up.

I should probably stop and be thankful for my own upbringing which hasn’t contributed in negative ways to the setbacks I have endured for reasons unrelated to upbringing. Had this young friend been lucky enough to grow up in my family, she would probably be thriving in most ways in the present as the future showed considerable promise too.

Good fortune means different things to different people, I suppose…

Here’s to my Open Diary friends – all of them!