Something for the weekend

Hello. I’m going to Cork tomorrow. After work. Just straight away, no delaying or hagning around. I’ll turn up very late and I’ll still be wearing my work clothes, but feck it. Catherine will be there. She’ll be right beside me, the way it should be. And the way it will be. My new job seems more and more like something that one works in for a long time, and maybe I’d be ok with that if she was right beside me.

Last night, I got a bit wobbly. I got very agitated and let things get to me. But when I heard her voice, it all just…went. And just to know she’s there is enough to inspire me. I’ve just realised I’ve never been this happy for so long in my life since I was a child. I just hit 12 and something broke in my head. I fell down, and when I was down I was kicked until there was almost nothing left. And this time last year I was just about to enter a really dark period of my life, one that slowly got pitch-black and I couldn’t crawl out of it. I was waiting, waiting for so long for a miracle cure. And she’s my cure. She’s my answer.

So when you see me walking down the street, wearing a shirt and tie and clicking my shoes on the ground confidently, seeming oblivious to everything around me, remember what I’m really like. Remember when I’m laughing with the girl I love, the people I call friends, I’m honestly laughing. I know what it’s like not to be able to face down hopelessness, to let it overcome you. When you see me with the girl I love, remember I know how lucky I am. Every single second I’m with her, I’m soaking up every drop of it. I know what it’s like to be alone.

So for the first time in my life, I’m looking forward to a weekend I deserve. And I’ve never been happier.

j