Live from my bed – it’s 2009’s first entry!!

Happy New Year, OD people. Hope Christmas was what you wanted and if not, sure it’s over now and there’s lots of great films in the cinema during January. I’m looking forward to The Curious Case of Frost/Nixon Musical 3.

And now, a survey I’ve plucked from Darkie, who I hope isn’t offended by my contents page:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Went a bit Macchiavelli in work in order to get more money when an opportunity presented itself. Did well out of it, it was pretty cool to feel in control of my “career”. Task for 2009; refer to my “career” without inverted commas.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did, for the first few months. I said I’d start writing into newspapers and I did. Got every letter I sent into the Metro, 2-3 in the Irish Independent and one on my birthday in The Irish Times. I also got on TV3, talking on Grafton St about Lisbon. Nothing to do with new year resolutions, just thought I’d mention it again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Ken’s wife, I’ve only seen the baby once and he slept a lot. Next March, we should be auntie and uncle to a sproglette called Dylan or Aoibhínn (“eve-een” – proper Irish, bee-atches)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thank God, no. I think about it every day, getting ready for the funeral of someone close to me. But I’m not that morbid in person.

5. What countries did you visit?
3-4 trips to Northern Ireland for shops, Ikea and flying to Spain. I also flew to Spain.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Trips away with friends; events conspired against this a lot in the past, culminating in our New Year’s Eve 2008 fiasco.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
31 May, Catherine’s brother’s wedding. Great fun and a good introduction to all of her extended family. Plus it was a seriously big affair, we were in the social section of the Kerryman and the captain of the Kerry football team was there. One tiny regret was deciding to shave on the morning of the wedding with a blunt razor; I cut myself to bits and bled on my shirt. The shirt was cleaned in time but I was a bit red for the photos. But it wasn’t about me. I also got to see the penthouse of the Aghadoe Heights Hotel, where so many A-list slebs have stayed and I sipped champagne and played with the remote control curtains, trapping two bridesmaids in the process.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Aforementioned Macchiavellian machinations at work. I also helped Becky get a job in Ireland during the recession.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I’m sure I had some but I generally put them to the back of my mind. Which is probably not the best tactic.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not until 31 December, dammit!!!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I could be proved wrong but it may be phone number 13, my new Sony Ericsson W595. Yes, I’ve left the Church of Nokia.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I always liked Obama but I saw his interview on The O’Lielly Fucktor and he handled himself admirably. Watching Fox News, which I love doing if I’m feeling too content with the world, is like getting drunk on right-wing drugs and Obama’s appearance was like the antidote.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Josef Fritzl, it just made me wonder what on earth some people are put on this planet for.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I spent nearly eight grand on my mortgage and that was only the half of it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting a new car, flying to Spain in the middle of November.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
“Viva La Vida” by Coldplay. It’s ok, much preferred “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” by Bouncy Knodules.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleeping, I’m staying up way too late (typing this at 5.57am, btw).

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying, I’m tackling my worry thing but unfortunately it’s leading to apathy. No happy medium.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it at home til the 26th, then Killarney til the 29th and went home on the 31st (we had planned to go to Westport for New Year’s but we both got sick).

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2008?
Not exactly embarassing but damn funny thing happened just before Christmas in work. One of the company directors walked in to the canteen to get a can of Coke and I told him that the machine was broke, hence I was pouring myself some water from the cooler. But as the cooler gives out the water at 4 degrees or something, I like to put a splash of hot water in first and then top up with cold, leading to a more drinkable drink. Anyway, I was trying to be cool as a cucumber, I’m-Not-Intimidated-By-Directors-type. Just being normal, I said I put in a call to the vending machine company (who incidentally sent me an apology with 10c, 20c and 50c coins taped to the letter as a refund, hiliarious). He seemed miffed at the machine, said something like “fine, so” and walked out. I took a big gulp of my water as he opened the door and as the door closed behind him, I spat the gob-lot out over a mat. I’d only gone and filled an entire cup of boiling water for myself and thrown it down without a care (couldn’t feel the heat through the polystyrene cup, see). I looked around; no-one in the room, no-one outside, no cameras. No-one had seen me be so monumentally-stupid. If any of it had been timed differently, I could have spat water in front of the director – or even on him – and would be forced to explain myself – out of politeness if nothing else. But as it stands, I just get to share it with you people.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Only with M&S crisps, Mont Gras reds and From Our Own Correspondent podcasts on my phone.

23. How many one-night stands?
Nowt, that would be a resigning matter.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
An 8-way tie, unfortunately. Arrested Development, The Office (US version, short rant: it’s vastly superior to UK original – anyone can do 14 moderately-good episodes with swearing but the Yanks do 20-something episodes with twice the cast, 10-15 more storylines and much more writers with fresh ideas and twists at all times. The British version looks childish compared to it), Battlestar Galactica, The IT Crowd (so simple, so genius, so unrecognised), The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, QI and…….I quite liked an abruptly-cancelled US sitcom called Back To You with Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. I love traditional sitcoms, they can be like theatre if done well and Frasier showed that they can transcend the medium. Back To You wasn’t up there with Frasier (or even Cheers) but it was a good effort and I hate to think that shows are getting cancelled because of nervous networks. Hopefully they’ll realise that as much as all these high-concept, single-story-arc over several seasons-type shows gain attention, a lot of viewers want straightforward comedy on a single-camera set-up with a live studio audience. It’s easy to tell a story when Jack Bauer can blow up shit, shout “dammit, Chloe!” from a dozen different locales and introduce a multitude of new characters each season to replace the multitude killed off, all with a movie-style budget. What trickier but ultimately more admirable is to build new stories each week around the same characters with high-quality dialogue and no “crutches”. No training wheels, just TV. Leave the explosions to the movies. Unless it’s Battlestar Galactica, in which case they should obviously blow shit up.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I’ve been thinking about this question the whole time and I don’t think I actually hate anyone I’ve met. I distrust some, I struggle to understand the motivations of others. But, to use the old cliché, “hate” is such a strong word. I don’t like the idea of hating someone. Except Fritzl, obv.

26. What was the best book you read?
I really enjoyed Ed Moloney’s biography of Ian Paisley. And the best fiction book I read was The Truth Commissioner, thanks to mjp. It may also be the only fiction book I read in 2008…..

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Blackout Crew. Look for their single “Bbbbbbounce” on YouTube; I came across it while flicking through the channels one day and it made my jaw drop. Also MGMT.

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted everything to stay the same for just a little bit longer and I got it. So thanks.

29. What did you want and not get?
Just a few nights out with male friends, I’ve been shit at that lately.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I loved The Dark Knight and Iron Man – both well-cast, well-written and well-made. I also liked the fact that there was plenty of on-location work in both, superhero films often feel too claustrophobic fake because directors insist on night-time sequences in controlled environments. TDK was a bit long-winded and Iron Man – actually I think that was fine. I liked Indiana Jones, even the ending. Now I just need to see the other three. Cloverfield was good too, although it’d probably be better on TV as the camcorder style was a bit jarring on the big screen. In Bruges was brilliant, it never let up and came to an end rather well, which surprised me. Forgetting Sarah Marshall dragged on a bit but it was so watchable that it didn’t matter. Wall-E was fantastic but I imagine it wouldn’t be for everyone. I loved its landscapes and story, in that order. Zach & Miri Make A Porno was brilliant, I love – or more accurately want to love – all Kevin Smith movies and this hit the mark for me. Had to laugh at the enthusiastic automated voice on the cinema booking line, announcing the title of the film like as if I’d won a prize. Worst film – Tropic Thunder (it still annoys me that I paid for a ticket to that).

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Catherine and I met up in The Foggy Dew, where I got books and vouchers, followed by a meal in Tante Zoe’s. It was one of my best birthdays evah.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A cock like a baby’s arm? I haven’t a clue, to be honest.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Now there’s a phrase that needs to be taken out the back and shot. My “personal fashion concept” (or “clothes that I wore” to those speaking English) was t-shirt, hoodie, moccasins and jeans to an extreme degree.

34. What kept you sane?
Catherine, obv.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy most?
Today, it’s Rebecca Hall from Starter For 10.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lisbon. I still believe that those who voted against it either don’t know what it is or don’t care, because last time I checked, people shit in toilets, not on their own doorsteps.

37. Who did you miss?
No-one really. It’s a bit like hating, I’m terribly passive sometimes.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Didn’t meet a lot of new people this year but one that stands out is Katie from Connecticut. She works with a friend of mine and is a bit off-the-wall and bemused by Ireland and Irish people. And she’ll talk to anyone about anything. But I don’t see her much. Also, another friend-of-a-friend called Susan, lovely people.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don’t react straight away. Watch body language. And don’t let on you know anything. Macchiavellianism again.

40. If you could sum up 2008 in three words, what would they be?
Fast. Depressing. Happy.

Must sleep now, it’s 7.15am! This means that this entry is both the latest and earliest ever posted! Catherine and I, as you may have gathered, are ill and sleeping patterns are arseways. We were in one house til 6am the other night playing progressive rummy (which melts my head) and Trivial Pursuit (which inflates my head). Then we got sick and drove home, missing out on a big party in Westport and a few days’ R&R with friends which was an awful pity but better than spluttering all over them, infecting everyone and going to bed. Last night we went to bed at 3am and woke at 1.30pm. Catherine left bed at 3.30 but I hung on with my new DVD player (pressie from herself) until 6.30pm. I also haven’t left the house since 2008.

But I’m getting better, I’ve showered and I’m able to eat a bit. It’s like a stunted flu that won’t take hold (I had the flu jab), general stuffed up feeling with sore throat and sensitivity to temperature extremes along with a mild fever. Catherine, however, is smothered and can’t speak right now. Well, except for an hour ago when she spoke in her sleep. She asked me “is it my go?”

Isn’t that adorable? She thought we were in the middle of playing “Who Would You Do?” Which technically means she was dreaming about me. Or else wanting to finally decide between Noel Fielding and Johnny Depp. In closing, inconclusive.