Reflections of a Busy Mom
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I start my day at 12 noon. My first agenda is to give my 4-month-old baby a bath. Then, it’s feeding time for baby before I could eat lunch myself. At 1:30 PM, it’s time to get ready for work before I head on out to the shuttle’s pick up point at 2:00 PM. My office hours would just pass by in a blur, as if I was on auto pilot. Then at 12 midnight, it’s time for me to go home. Before I had my baby, it didn’t matter if the shuttle leaves at 12:20 AM. Now, it’s as if every minute counts. I wanted to be home the soonest possible time. I wanted to go home to my adorable baby even if arriving at 1 AM means that he would be asleep. I’d use this quiet time to attend to my affairs – financial mostly. I do the budgeting, scheduling appointments, checking if baby still has enough milk, diapers, if his clothes still fit, allotting of payment for monthly bills and yes, mostly financial affairs.
By the time I’m done with these, baby would then cry and it’s feeding time again. Sometimes, while I have him in my arms, I would continue with what I was doing until we’re both done. Since I produce very little amount of milk, it would take my baby around 2 hours before he unlatches from me. Other times, he would still beg for more supplemental milk if mine wasn’t enough. If I’m lucky, I get to sleep around 4:00 AM. On bad times, when baby doesn’t want me to sleep yet, I’d sleep at 7:00 AM or 8:00AM, after his daddy brings him down for his morning walk. My normal sleeping time nowadays is 3-5 hours. When my hormones would act up due to hypothyroidism, I wouldn’t get any sleep at all for 2 consecutive days.
During these times without sleep, all I could do is reflect on our life, right now and what our future could bring. Lately, what I have realized is how much things have changed since our wedding. My husband and I no longer have romantic moments, no more dates, or late night dinners, or romantic out-of-town escape. It’s always “baby first” for us. That’s our mantra. Birthdays, anniversary, Valentine’s Day – all spent at home, just like any normal day. No gifts, no celebration, no trip to somewhere, just like what we used to do.
Our priorities right now have shifted to a whole new level. My role has changed from being a wife to being a mother first and foremost; from being a romantic partner to being a domestic partner; and from being a friend and confidant to being a stranger. Due to my EU schedule, my husband and I rarely see each other, so we normally just catch up through text messaging. If we don’t have appointments and cake orders during the weekends, we get to spend quality time together. I would then get to be a wife – I would cook once again, do the dishes and the laundry, listen to my husband’s stories how his week went, and just talk.
I miss my friends, too. It’s been almost 2 years since I was with them last. Whenever they’d invite me, I couldn’t go because I live outside the city, so my reasons are all about the hassle of commuting to and from the city and how long it would take for me to travel. Now, my reason is just plain and simple: I’m taking care of my baby. Still, I miss hanging out with them. I miss the night outs, the never-ending laughter, endless stories we’d share, but most of all, I miss being with them.
I guess, there are a lot of things that I really miss. And I know I’m missing out on a lot of things as well. But what I do realize is that, even though I may not have time right now and I may not be able to do the things I used to do, I’m really thankful for a lot of things. I’m grateful I have a husband who is always there for me and our baby. I’m grateful I have a son – not many people get to have that privilege. A few would even resort to extreme measures just to have a child. I’m grateful that I have a job because it means I have a means to provide for my child and secure his future. In the end, no matter how hectic my schedule gets, it feels as if I’m not busy at all. Not when I am loving every minute of my waking time. And I think I have my little angle to thank for that.
it’s me,
figliarina lacrimosa
P.S.
I still feel happy even though I just got back to work from being sick and bedridden this whole weekend; and even if I’ve just lost my engagement ring recently. I just try not to think about the sentimental value of it. Anyway, "it served its purpose" as my husband puts it. 🙂