slams fist into desk

“Hi, is Lynn there?”
“This is Lynn…”

*smashes her head repeatedly into the wall*

She wasn’t hostile, or mad or mean or annoying or ANYTHING…..she sounded exactly the same….she was laughing and she asked me how I was….

“How’ve you been doing, Em? It’s been so long since we’ve talked!”
“Oh, I’ve been great, thanks for asking….personally, I’ve wanted to bash your face in for a few months, but hey, thats just me…How about you? How’ve you been?”

God….she sounded the same…I was all prepared to take control and bring smackdown. I wanted, for the first time in my life, to get mad and have it DO something. But….there was nothing to be mad ABOUT….she just keeps forgetting to put Muzzy in the mail and she swears that he’s going to the post office tomorrow, come hell or high water.

I feel…cheated, impotent, used, misled, frustrated, irrational, oversensitive….

I overreact.

one fine day

March 24, 2003

No, you do not overreact..I cannot tell you how much I would feel like you do in this situation, I am so proud of you for calling her…But, I know, I think at least, that you almost wish she had been hostile to some degree, because then you feel justified being angry with her for leaving you, using you, hurting you, etc. I think I know how you feel, and I’m sorry, but I hope you get muzzy (hugs)

haha you soo accurately portrayed those feelings… i understand completely. thank you for your support on my diary… i’m still not sure what my little episode was… i get fits of really bad OCD– but never like that before. i’m not sure. thank you for your advice though! i will talk to my therapist about it. 🙂 btw, great diary!!! take care…

Violet Librarian

*hug* …if you overreact, I overreact. Feel better…

March 30, 2003

RYN: Yeah…well, I’m hoping it’s like other things I’m afraid of, in that thinking about it is mind-numbingly terrifying, but it’s not so bad when it actually happens. Because I’m in the very scared state right now, it being not so bad seems ridiculous…

i overreact, too. but… like you seem to do, i tend to keep it inside me, until it boils up and all spills out one day. xxx

insert what ellie said here go to her house and fucking TAKE him!