*sighs*

Would it be bad if I was afraid?
Would it be bad if I couldn’t stop thinking about you?
Would it be bad if I didn’t know what was going to happen?
Would it be bad if I didn’t want you to go?
Would it be bad if I was scared that you would fall in love….and I wouldnt be there to see it?

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What if it feels right…..without me, it still feels right…..then, I should be so happy for you. That you found somewhere, that your future excites you. And part of me would be, I know. But, so much, I’m afraid that I would still feel awful…..that your heart was somewhere else….and the phone would have to be our best friend for the next four years. Part of me is so mad, at myself, that I’m this selfish. Part of me understands. But most of me is just wishing that you were here, right now, so I could talk to you about this.

Tonight, I cried for Mike, and I cried for the people he left behind. And I hugged myself, in your shirt, and I just thanked the world that I had you. But I’ve been realizing that I think of us right now as waiting….waiting till you visit, waiting till November, waiting till you come to Carleton with me or I transfer….waiting. And, that’s bad. That means, I’m not ok with things as they are….that means I want something else. I want you.

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Would it be bad if I needed you?
Would it be bad if I wasn’t complete without you here?
Would I be bad to think all this??