soft and melancholy

I like being called irritating sometimes. It means people are noticing me.

Anyways.

Aaron’s sick, apparently. Of course, *I* had no idea–I called his house and his dad answered. He didn’t recognize my voice, and he told me that Aaron had had a fever and had been home sick for two days.

you think i’d know this sort of thing

I can’t be mad at him. There’s nothing to be mad at, just the situation. But FUCK I haven’t talked to my boyfriend, like really talked or had any sort of decent conversation, for a week and a half. And he’s leaving in two days to go to Costa Rica for a week. On Sunday (the last time we talked, I think) he told me we would definitely talk today (Wednesday), and maybe he could stay home Thursday or Friday so we could *finally* talk some. Well, I didn’t talk to him today–he was asleep when I called, and I had a meeting from 9:30 to 10:30 so of course he was online from 10:05 to 10:12. Right. And he can’t stay home now, unless he’s sick and sleeping. So, yeah. Fuck all that.

There’s really nothing to say. This shouldn’t even be an entry. But every time I think about him it makes me want to cry, because I actually feel abandoned (as ridiculous as that is). I feel like he’s ditched me, even though I KNOW that’s not true. I know he misses me too. But it *really* doesn’t feel like it.

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4/16

I editing, to update. Talked to boy for almost 3 hours last night–got stuff sorted out. He helped me realize that I wouldn’t have been nearly as upset if he hadn’t been MIA during one of the worst weekends I’ve had in at least a year. I was basically mad because I had to do it all on my own, and deal with the ramifications of my actions on my own too. And he apologized, a lot. And we’re going to talk again tonight.

I knew it would work out. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would. But still I was miserable, because I felt alone without a defined end to the feeling of abandonment. Now I know I won’t get to talk to him after today for over a week, but it’s going to be OK. Because I know that next Sunday I will talk to him, and I will. No matter what. I’m there.