yeah.

and everything’s for you…

18 days left till i see rolf again. gah. it’s funny how this diary is made up of entries that simply say : “i saw rolf!” or “i’m gonna see rolf!”. i swear, there’s nothing more going on in my life. i’m a sad sad person.
i used to write all sorts of stuff in this diary. how i felt about certain issues, or how i felt period. now it’s just a summarization of really boring events. because i have a really boring life. wake up, school, go home, go online, go to bed. every few weeks there’s a highlight, when rolf is here. but that’s kind of it. i want my life to be a constant highlight 🙁

you know what’s a scary thought? i have no idea if i’m happy or not.
i’ve got rolf. just the idea makes me feel good at some very depressed moments, and cuddling with the guinea pigs makes things better too. i’ve got a very cute hamster and good music.
but then again… i’m still in school. i have no idea why it bothers me that much. it hasn’t been this of a big deal in the past 16 years, so why should it be now? i don’t know. but it is. i have 3 more years left. three! i’ll be 21 when i graduate. ugh. i don’t want to be in school. i want to go out, explore life, see things, see the world! i want to experience things. it’s not fair.

and my class really really irritates me now. more everyday. it’s making me feel old and grumpy. [which i am.] there are people in my class who are four years younger than me… that’s just insane. they’re all so hyper and happy and active. or stupid. yeah.

so hum yeah. today was a really bad day. rolf left, i cried. i was in school. got irritated by hm, everything. wanted to kill most people. was in bad mood all day long. wanted to run away and live at rolf’s. [it’s so possible…]

i need excitement.