how i am.

woohoow. my frontpage is back to normal… no more extra paragraphs between titles. i’m a happy girl 🙂

sorry i haven’t replied to your notes. od was being a bitch to me. it wouldn’t let me login, for some reason. but it works now.

internship is… ok. i was really, really scared. i had a panic attack the night before my first day, and the morning of my first day. somehow rolf dragged me there and it was alright. they’re really nice there. explained to me that it’s ok to make mistakes, that it’s ok to ask questions, that i’m there to learn, not to do everything perfect.

i just had a very disturbing dream about the guy who guides me at my internship. that’s really, really scary. brrr. i was really bored last night and decided to google his name. turns out he’s in some rockband, hah. i found some very funny pictures. he’s the lead singer. heh.

so hm, i live in holland now. moving out of belgium was very… surreal. it still is. i miss the country, miss my city, miss my friends. miss some of my family. leaving belgium was definately just running away from some problems. from my family, from people i couldn’t deal with, people that made me feel low and depressed. it probably wasn’t the right way to deal with problems, but i had to do something, or i probably would’ve been dead by now.
i’m still not a very ‘normal’ person (well, what is normal?) and i definately have some problems, but at least i have some peace in my life. i just have rolf and my pets. it feels good that way.

i’m not sure if i ever want to go back to belgium. it’d be nice to live in bruges, it’s such a beautiful city and it’s home for me… but everytime i visit my family, i get very depressed. there’s just a really negative atmosphere there. and well, i can’t go live in bruges and ignore my family.

everything’s going well here… rolf and me are looking for an appartment. now we’re living with 4 guinea pigs and 5 rats in a 20 metre square room! to get an appartment you have to save up points. everytime you react to an ad, you get some points. we were really close to an appartment… only we got offered one and declined it because it was too expensive. that means we lose 13 points 🙁 so we still have another month or 2 to go before we can find a bigger place.

oh well. we managed to live like this for almost a year, two more months won’t kill us 🙂

i miss you all.