It’s the end of the world as we know it.

I have been obsessing with my ‘to do before I die’ list a LOT lately.
I don’t really know why, maybe it is the universe’s way of telling me I haven’t got that much time left.
So, I’ve been working on it. Some of the things are easier than others,
and some of them.. are pretty impossible..
but then, what would a ‘to do before I die’ list be if they were all obtainable goals?
I am getting a tad obsessive over it, actually. I REALLY need to complete it before I die.
I should probably put it on my list. "Complete this list." It’d give me more of a reason to go out and do what I need to get done.
At least I have something to live for now, right? To not die before I get stuff finished. Pretty sad, but at least it’s something.
Kind of like.. living for death? Sort of, in a way.
I don’t "live" completely, but that’s changing. Why, because I need to finish my list.
The first thing that comes to mind.. is like Egyptian kings.. because what do they do their whole lives?
Building places where their body is going to be after they die and collecting treasure to put around it.
Bad example, yes.. but that’s what I feel like I am doing.

I need to start living, even though it’s only because of death.

is my new logic, shitty.. but it’s really HELPING me.
I really don’t see why it’s so bad to live your life the right way, but for the wrong reasons.

anyway, back to my less profound thoughts:
B:ZM- You’re a weird kid, but I really don’t feel right talking to you so much, I mean she TOLD me it was okay.. but it still feels like I am betraying her in some kind of way. You’re a pretty cool dude, but still. She is WAY more important to me than you are and EVER will be. Sorry, but that is just they way it is.

A:FIRE-You and I should talk more. You really get it. I don’t know what you get, but you sure do.

A:OP- I really miss you dude, like REALLY REALLY REALLY miss you.

I hate my roommate, still.
Earlier today she asked me how to open her CD player, she had no idea how to use it. I am not kidding, either.
I am still depressed, I think. I think it is somewhat getting better though.
I still need to call Paula + Dr. DuBois tomorrow, to reschedule.
See my results to the damn test, which I am utterly terrified about.
if I am an idiot, I do NOT want to know it..
but I have a slightly inclined feeling that I am not going to be as low as I think.

My mom is awful, hate her. Like for seriously. She is working her way up on my ‘omfgjustdiealready’ list.
(I sure have a lot of lists, eh? I mean it, too. I really do have just.. lists of stuff saved on my computer. I think it makes me feel like I am more in control or something, if I have everything organized like that.)

Old women are still #1.
for sure.

Love:Suraque
(Do you really need me to tell you what song this is?)