4/5/08

every day is something new
this life i live is so different from the one i envisioned back in the day.
its all so different but that doesn’t make it invalid or any less what i want. i made these choices and i need to stand behind them.
life is about choices and we choose. there is always a choice, sometimes better sometimes worse. sometimes the only difference is just that, its different. but because i can envision it differently doesn’t mean i can’t be happy with what i have and where i am at. its all coming into perspective
there has been a lot of shit in my life. in the lives of the two people i love the most. but what can you do? you wish it could be different but its this way for a reason. its all about here and now.
the older i get the more this comes into perspective. its not having what you want, its wanting what you’ve got.
and i do.
i have got a boyfriend who breathes life into me on a daily basis. maybe sometimes it is lackluster but he always catches me right before the fall. i have this relationship and i wouldnt change it for anything. I wouldn’t find anyone better, just different. I have a dog i love, a sister i love and do the best i can with, a cozy apartment, a car, a job that most days i enjoy, my health and most importantly i have safety now.
my family may only consist of a boyfriend a sister and a dog but its my family. its what i’ve got and i love it.
i have an apartment in a big old house we share with a friend who can be obnoxious coming home at 3 in the morning but its just us and no landlord and all in all its ok.
its all ok.
sometimes you need a reminder. these were the choices.