Review

I feel good this week, I guess that’s how you notice you didn’t feel it before. Terence seems to slip away a bit, to my comfort and my sadness, because it’s awful to forget, but that’s what is happening, I’m not surprised at his absence anymore, this has become reality, it’s no longer surreal. I miss him though, thoughts of him, him laughing or being concerned, his expressions, Terence never said much about it to me, but he loved his father the way I love Terence, more love than seems possible, I always wondered, what his father’s death meant to him, but I sort of knew anyone, just, devastating, really, and you know how, sometimes you can spot the tragedy in another person, and know not to ask, because it’s so powerful.

I saw a father hug his son on television today, the father in a blue shirt, reminded me of Terence, and I thought that I missed his hugs, in my adult life I’ve only hugged him a couple of dozen times, but it made an impact. As a child, Terence would give me bear hugs, where he’d reach down and pick me up against his chest. I used to love them. Chloe now expect’s piggy back rides whenever I see her, she’s relentless, she’s just climb on top of me whilst I’m having a conversation, she knows what she wants and she works to get it. She’s beautiful though, Tommy too, when Terence was in the hospital about a week before he died, Tommy and Chloe came to visit, Terence at this point was unable to walk, to eat, to drink, had septicemia and all that, but when they came in he raised himself upright and yelled out ‘Tommy! Chloe!’ and they rushed onto the bed and gave him a hug. I honestly believe that was his last bit of energy, I like to think of how much that was a part of him. I remember watching a documentary on the Kennedy’s, and the brother Robert, being shot in that kitchen and lying on the floor bleeding out, his wife leaned down to him to check on him and he said ‘Is everybody else

Terence always understood children because really he was one.