Dew

Terence of course stills exists to me, it’s not, as sad for me as it was before, half a year is enough time to see some reality again, I’m a bit reclusive at the moment, very, reclusive, but it’s okay I think, most people have become used to me disappearing for a few months each year, I’m not one to care about relationship maintenance, it’s a silly concept, relations either exist or they don’t, not seeing Terence, doesn’t end my relationship with him, so why would it end with someone that’s alive? I know I’m pretty much alone in this, that people are hurt sometimes, they feel rejected, but that’s only at first I think, I think people begin to understand me, forgive me I guess, that is how most see it at first, but that’s overly simplistic, it’s funny how people expect you to do the same thing everyone else does, I don’t do that, I just see the person for what they do, not what others have done.

I would have liked to have dug the grave myself, but I know it’s not allowed, there are a lot of personal customs that aren’t permitted, Terence wanted to be buried upright, that’s not permitted at the vast majority of graveyards, which is unfortunate. I like the place we found though, even though it’s basically in the middle of nowhere, lots of little things, wild Kookaburras, Monkey Puzzle Trees, a free flowing creek, Terence would have liked those things, it’s not a grand place, but it’s beautiful. I’ve taken to wearing his ring, on my ring hand, I’ve always liked it, I like to have things like that, to remember the dead, to carry things associated with them, it feels like I can show them things that way, I can take them with me, introduce people to them, that sort of thing.