These Days

Tonight I had my tarot cards read.  It was my roommate’s graduation gift to me and my other roommate.  I was super nervous.  I was a pretty big skeptic.  I was all about keeping a poker face and not giving away anything.  We went and this is what she told me:

The first card she turned over was pretty disastrous looking.  But she said, "Either you just got into a relationship or just got out of one."  She told me merely to answer questions and not elaborate.  So I said just got out of one.  She turned over the rest and I don’t remember the order but she said a lot of things including:

• You’re still hurting from the breakup.  But you’ll bandage and get over it.
• You need to take the summer to regroup from the breakup.  Get a tan, get your nails done, get a new wardrobe.
• Don’t try to find a new guy yet.  You’ll only annoy him talking about your ex.
• Stop worrying about him and worry about you.
• You’ll never have to worry about money.  You’ll be good financially.
• You’ll have 2 kids of the same sex.
• You’ll have one marriage.
• It will take about 3 years for you to find the guy you’ll marry and you’ll date for a long time before you get married.
• You’ll change venues with your job.  Not necessarily out of accounting all together, but a different area.  Maybe something that involves teaching.
• Your ex was either extremely messy or an extreme neatfreak.  (He had serious OCD)

Then she asked if I had any questions and I asked if I’d ever have a better relationship with my brother.  She asked if it was money related and I said no.  She asked if it was jealousy and I said no, but the more I think about it, it probably is.  She said I’d have to wait for him to mature.

And then the kicker…I know I’m a nervous person by nature but she said to me "You don’t like flying."  She didn’t say you have a fear of flying, just that I don’t like it.  And it’s so freaking true.  I WILL fly.  I DO fly.  But the whole time I’m worrying about crashing and my knuckles are white because I’m gripping the armrests so hard.

Interesting, yes?

My life took a seriously bad turn Thursday night.  Something I can’t even bring myself to talk about here.  But I’m dealing with it and trying to use it as part of this fucked up growing process I’m going through.

This weekend I finally broke down.  Cried and cried and cried.  Said I’m tired of having to rally myself all the time.  I’m tired of being strong.  I’m just tired.

But I’ll always rally.

~Dora