I Am So Screwed Up

I am finding myself more and more attracted to a certain ex of mine, an ex of whom which I’ve mentioned on this diary numerous times before.  I will not give any names but don’t worry Steph I’m not talking about you so ya don’t have to worry bout it :).  No, this girl I really don’t want to be attracted to but I just cannot stop myself, no matter how hard I try to look at other girls and try to be attracted to other girls I just can’t take my mind completely off of this one girl.  In fact I never really stopped being attracted to this girl, I just wish I had.  Every now and then she’ll glance at me but I have no clue why… I just fantasize that’s it for a good reason but know it’s not.  We haven’t talked in a long long long time, I tried to make a move on her again when I got out of boot camp and it didn’t work out too well at all.  I think it made her feel uneasy around me so we just faded apart, unfortunatly.  I say unfortunatly because I always did still consider her to be a good friend.  But I just went along with whatever she wanted. 

I know deep down that I never will have a chance with her again, no matter how badly I want it or how hard I try, it just won’t happen. I doubt we’ll ever even talk again and that just absolutely sucks ass!

Well I’m gonna end this entry cuzz this is not a subject that I like to talk abouttoo much, so later.

Goo