I’m 18 Damnit!! And other stuff

I’m tired of having to be home at a decent time, and having to go to bed at 1am because of school, and shit like that.  I’m 18!!!  I should be able to do what I want to freakin do, but sense I live under my parents roof, I live by their rules, which is fair to a certain degree.  Whatever. 

I have military drill tomorrow but only from 7am-4pm  and that’s it, so no big deal.  I don’t really even have to go but am anyways.  I’m pissed because I still haven’t been paid for the last drill I went to!!  Reallll pissed!!!

I am ashamed of myself by the way.  Lately I have only been wanting to be with girls because of sex and I only am realizing now that it is wrong and pathetic.  And it’s so fake, I so desperately want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t all about sex like I am so she can say no instead of be alright with the idea, I so badly want a serious relationship and it’s so hard to find.  I mean don’t get me wrong, it not like I dislike sex lololol, no no it just makes a relationship so fake unless u been with that person for a long time and makes the sex something real, something of meaning, so it’s not really looked at as sex but as something more ya know..?  I have yet to be in a relationship that really had some meaning to it.  I thought I did with Megan but she broke my heart and moved on, so it just seems like I’m never going to find that person, at least not anytime soon.  I’m currently talking to someone right now, but I not sure where it’s leading, and I’m not sure bout much of it at all anyways.  I do like her, but I don’t know, I want to give it a chance because there’s no reason why I shouldn’t, she is sweet and very attractive and does seem like the type of girl I can have a serious relationship with but I kinda doubt she wants that sorta relationship, I not sure but I thinkin she just wants to date and that’s bout it, but like I sayin I not sure bout that though.  I guess I’ll find out eventually.