Cause For Celebration?

I don’t understand celebrating new years.  Maybe its because I am pessimisstic by nature, but its seems wierd.  Why celebrate the passage of time and being another year closer to dying.  I’m only going to be young like this once..I don’t need to be reminded about how quick time is going by.  Its been 4 years since I’ve been in hs.  The 4 years I WAS in hs seemed to go so slow….it seem like 10 years.  But the 4 years since have seemed like 2.  Its scary.  I have to remember the year is only a number, and that I’m still only 21, and have my whole life ahead of me.  It just gives me mild panic attacks or something lol. That is why tonight, all I want to do is take nyquil and sleep, that way the new year will bother me less.  I wish it was 2005 again.  I was still in hs, and in Hungary…had no bills, came home and was able to hang out with my best friends…I got my first serious girlfriend.  That was a very good year.