Now I’m confused

So like I know what I wrote this morning about being over everything..but then today like I just got uber confused. So here’s what happened..Well actually here’s just my day in general (I should get into the habit of writing about more than just my love life you know?).

I had a 9:25 class. It’s public speaking and we gave our first introductory speeches. I think I did pretty well given the fact that I get so nervous in front of crowds of people. So that was an interesting class lol. Then Eric and I went to Jazzman’s (school cafe basically…it’s where we hang out the most). So we’re sitting there and I say, "Crap! I forgot to pick up by birth control pills…oh well. lol" Then he says, "What do you need them for it’s not like you’re having sex anymore." I was like so taken aback by that. Like who the hell is he to say that? I mean I know I don’t have a boyfriend and I know that Eric and I aren’t going to do anything anymore, but like what if I meet some other guy or something? I don’t know I felt that it was pretty rude. But, it kind of reaffirmed what I wanted to do in the first place (just get over Eric and move on with my life). So we were just like hanging out and whatever until our 1:40 chemistry class together. 

So in chemistry we’re sitting next to each other. So I’m taking notes and off in my own little world thinking about everything and it hits me: Eric used me. Well I don’t know if he did but like that is how I feel. That is why it hurts so much or at least partially why it hurts so much. Because like (I don’t know this is how I thought it through tell me what you think though): He was a virgin. He lost his virginity to me. He cared about me but now he is like off liking some other girl. So In my head I feel kind of used. Kind of like: he didn’t want to be a virgin for whatever reason (maybe to impress this chick I don’t know) so he saw a pretty girl who is ready and more than willing. And he took the opportunity. But, as I’m writing this, I’m realizing Eric isn’t the type to do that. He did care about me. I’m not exactly sure how much but he did like me. He isn’t the type of guy to use a girl like that. But, there is also another reason why I think that which is coming up later in my day lol. Be patient.

So anyway. I am like so angry and fuming at Eric because I realized that I feel so used by him. So after class we head to Jazzman’s (again lol) and he’s working on some reading for his next class and I’m on OpenDiary doing the survey in the previous entry. He’s done with his reading and I’m still working on the survey. He’s being all cute and annoying so I not mad at him anymore (I can not stay mad at this kid though! It is so frustrating!!). So anyway he kind of reading my answers and whatnot and one of the questions was, "Have you ever had two boyfriends at one time?" or something to that effect. I wrote down No and he was like, "Uhh yea.." and I’m like, "No Eric I never did. What are you talking about?" And he was like, "Me and Alex." And I was like, "Eric, me and you never dated." And he gave me this kind of look as if to say like are you kidding me? or something. I was like, "Well apparently we weren’t!" The conversation kind of ended there.

Ok so like what do you guys think about that? I mean I’ve said it a billion times: before break Eric was basically my boyfriend. We WERE practically dating. The only reason I said no in the survey was because he was watching me and I didn’t think he’d feel comfortable with me thinking that we were dating. I don’t want him to know that him basically ending our "relationship" really hurt me as much as it did. So I mean does this mean he thought we were dating? Does it mean he still likes me? Can I get your opinions please leave notes telling me what you guys think!

As for now I have to go because it is gym time lol I’ll be back later though

Please thoughts, advice, new way of looking at things, anything will be helpful to me at this point.

Night

 *Sandra*