interesting few days..

I haven’t written much in a while. Been so busy lately. Saturday was…interesting to say the least. Daniel and I went to dinner an on our way back to our dorm he ran into a guy he knew who works for the school as student patrol person. So this guy (Steve) took us around and showed places. We went to the roof top of one of the buildings and it was just so awesome. The view of downtown new haven was absolutely beautiful. Like that kind of breath-taking beauty you know? I mean mountains and nature would have been wayyyy nicer but still. Pretty amazing view. Then we went into one of the classrooms and talked. Steve noticed my computer opened to open diary and started reading my stories. Then we shared life stories basically. Mostly about sex lives. I’m incredibly open with people. Ask me anything and I will tell you the truth. Sometimes, I may not want to talk about it. But, eventually you’ll know. So yea Steve is kind of a sex therapist kinda person. It was just an interesting night. We went into this room with a couch and Steve showed Daniel an awesome way to get me in the mood. Mostly was just caressing my back and stuff. Then I went down on Daniel for like an hour until he finally came. It was awesome. I love giving blow jobs but no lie by the end of it I was exhausted. My jaw hurt and my ass, thighs, and knees hurt from being in one spot for so long. But, hey I almost got him to come. I’ll get it one day lol.

As we were walking out of the building, Daniel stopped me, turned to face me and told me he loved me. He said it before but before it could’ve been taken as a kind of "lol yea I love you buddy" kinda thing. Like what I say to my friends when I leave. But last night he looked right into my eyes and told me he loved me. I said it back. I do love him. I fall deeper and deeper every day. I hope he means it. I think he does. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to just throw that around. 

Then yesterday, Daniel and I went downtown. He stopped at a little book shop/cafe, went to the Yale art museum, walked around, and eventually ended up at a huge sex shop where we spent like 3 hours just looking around teasing each other and stuff. It was so much fun. He gets me so turned on and excited so easily lol. 

Then today we rented a car and he drove me to the court house to ask for an extension on my community service then we went to the YMCA to talk to the lady about doing my community service. Then we just drove around enjoying each others company, singing to the radio, and just being with each other. We want to go on a road trip. Like a legit road trip. It’d be a lot of fun.

We had sex today. It was fucking awesome. He is so good. My body is still kind of humming from it. I think he really is made of magic. So good. When he was fingering me he came so close to making me squirt. LIke seriously I had to hold back because like that would be awkward and incredibly messy.

Can this guy be anymore perfect. I feel bad for him though. His girlfriend doesn’t treat him the way he deserves to be treated. She’s kind of young in the sense that she’s never dated anyone before him. I see a lot of myself in her. Well the me before I realized what being a good girlfriend meant. I did and said and acted a lot like how she is with Daniel. It made me upset to see how much she hurts him and how I did that to Alex for basically four years. Hopefully, Daniel will do whatever makes him happy. That’s honestly all I want for him. Even if he were to say he’s happy with his girlfriend and will try and make things work with her and wants our "relationship" to stop….if it makes him happy then I would do it. I mean yea it’d hurt but him being truly happy is always worth it. 

Alex and I are officially over. It’s like facebook official. But, he still wants to be friends. I want to remain friends too. He knows/understands more than anyone else. I can’t let four years of relationship and intimacy go like that. So, we’re friends. Though, no lie, I’ll probably end up getting back together with him eventually. I tend to do that. I always look back.

It’s why I’m scared to start anything serious with Daniel. What if I hurt him? I don’t want to do that. But, then again, if I was happy with Daniel I wouldn’t go back to Alex. 

Too much thinking. I’ll write more tomorrow. Theres more stories to tell about these last few days.

Night everyone leave notes!  

*Sandra*