wahhhhh!!!

I has cramps. Grr….and I’m bitchy. Ugh I hate my period it makes me all like monster like. Alex used to call me the PMS monster cuz it used to be soooo bad lol. But, its a little better now thank god.

So I’m jsut hanging out with Daniel (as per usual) hes trying to get some work done and I’m just not doing much of anything. Its nice just being with him though talking about random stuff and what not. 

I really like him. Like it’s scary how much I like him. In such a short amount of time. I can just see him being in my life for a very long time (one way or another; as friends or romantically). 

Hes trying to get me all jealous of some girl that he talked to at the mall on sunday. I shouldn’t say trying…he’s SUCCEEDING at getting me jealous and it kinda scared me. I only get jealous when I really like someone. Like really really REALLY like someone. *sigh* I should stop this now before I get hurt. I really should just end this let him be with his girlfriend and yea…just let him go 

But, I like him way to much. He makes me so happy. He’s a good match for me. Hes motivating me to actually better myself. To be healthy, to ask questions, to ask for help when I need it, to express my feelings, to finally take control of my life.

As much as I’d like to think I’m in control of my life. I’m not. I just go with the flow of things and while its a good thing I take it to the point where I don’t fight for things I really want and could possibly achieve. Its a bit of a problem. 

But, back to the other problem……..Yea….I should let him go….I should just let him work things out with his girlfriend…..he’ll probably be happier with her anyway once they work things out. I’m nothing special. I nice to have for a bit then it becomes "oh shes crazy" or "oh all she wants is sex" or "oh she got boring" or "oh she is hard to handle"….As much as I would love to be with him….he deserves so much better than me. He deserves someone as awesome and amazing as himself. I’m just some chick who likes to fuck. 

He deserves to be happy and I’m afraid that I can’t give him that after a while. I tend to make people miserable after a while. Alex said he was so happy with me. But, if he really was why did he just ignore me and college and JUST realize that I’m a halfway decent girlfriend? 

I hate myself sometimes. I go after guys who deserve better than me. Then I end up hurting them by doing something stupid. 

I want him to be mine. I don’t want to let him go. He makes me happy. But I know I should before either one of us gets hurt. 

He doesn’t really know me as well he thinks he does. I’m moody and emotional. I’m so hard to deal with.  

*Sandra*