another fourth just a day

Most Holidays are seeming to become just another day for me. Happy fourth to all who celebrate but for me i havent celebrated fourth in a long time. Sure we set off a few fire works here and there but never really celebrated.

My fave fourth was when Angel, Hannah and i went to the park for the fire works and the celebration. It sucked cause of Hannahs mom but we still had a blast/. I kind of miss the days. I was reading a few old entries and i was angry but as angel said we all were, TEENAGERS lol. But i did have a lot of fun with my friends. Dont get me wrong i love my kids but it kind of feels like i am able to have this freedom but i cant, Sometimes i feel it isnt even my kids. I mean should i leave my kids with bryan to go have fun he bugs me to the point im annoyed. Sometimes it isnt even anything big. like last weeknd i went to dinner with stephanie and he text me and asked if i was havin fun. I txtd back and he was like thats good what are you doin when you commin home. I just thought i am out eating and havin a conversation WTF im not clubbin or anything else i cant even eat and talk to anybody else.I dont know if hes jealous because his friends dont really talk to him much, but then what do you expect when you have drug addict friends and your not a drug addict they are gonna wanna hang with you and bring down their high.

So yeah other then missin my lil freedom Im doin nothin today. Im not sure if im gonna go to fireworks because maysons so lil they might scare him. I know Jayden freaked when he was that lil so  i dont think im gonna take the chance.

So happy just another day