Age 12-19ish
Younger Entries – 12-14ish
I have a problem. All the other girls have these boys that they talk about, they talk about butterflies in their tummies, and heart racing, and thinking about them all the time. I think I’m broken. The only person I think about like that is Uncle Robyn. I tried to join in the conversation, but…the other girls said that was gross. That girls aren’t supposed to like their *uncles*. Well, they just don’t know any better. He’s amazing! He can do narcopaisley, and kill stuff, and he must be an adventurer because he’s always going new places and bringing us presents that are so cool and stuff. And he pays attention to me. Nobody elses Uncle pays attention to them. So maybe they just have bad uncles. I mean, Uncle Robyn is *special*, super special. One day they’ll see!
It was our birthday today! Uncle Robyn came! We had so much fun, and he took us for a ride on a GIANT LIZARD. We broke into Faelin’s house and wrecked his room! Mom wasn’t very happy, but it was so great. Birthdays are my favorite day. I hate it that Robyn leaves. Why can’t he spend more time with us? Daddy doesn’t like him. But all of us girls do. But Mommy says he is really busy and can’t be here all the time. Uncle Robyn mentioned someplace called Shadow Fell. I’m not sure how shadows fall, but it sounds better than water deep. Well, *uncle Robyn* didn’t say it, momma did, when we asked if we could go stay with uncle robyn for a while, momma seemed very upset and said “No Shadowfell Robyn!” I think Uncle Robyn tried not to giggle, cause he didn’t say where he lived, but mommy did. I would have laughed.
Ambrosi isn’t my daddy anymore! I am leaving, I’m going to run away and and, find where the shadow fell! I’ll go stay with Uncle Robyn. He would take care of me. I know it…..
Mommy caught me trying to run away. she was really mad at me, and seemed scared. She said if I promise to never do it again, that she won’t tell Ambrosi. I promised. Sorry Uncle Robyn, guess I’m not coming to where the shadow fell.
Age 14-16
***Rauvethraecice and Hiberna humbly invite you to their wedding, held on the longest night.***
Gods! What is *wrong* with me. Even Essy has a boy she likes. I used to tell my sisters about my feelings for him, but…they might accidentally say something, dad might hear them. I don’t know if I could bear it if Dad banned him from the house. I see him so infrequently already I would probably waste away to nothing. Every year mom gives me *the look* as if reminding me of my promise not to run away with him. I can’t tell you how much I wish I’d never made that stupid promise. I saw a girl turn a boy into a fish today. All she did was straddle him and rock her hips. He just, went still and silent and stared at her. She kissed him, and petted him while he just laid there. I would do anything to have Robyn let me do that. Dad would probably blow a gasket though, and mom would too. I don’t think she knows how bad it is.
He…didn’t….even…flinch. HOW!? The other boy was basically a wet noodle he was so limp. But, I did the thing. I rocked my hips just like I watched Jessamine do! I could *swear* I did it right. I waited four months to use that technique! Nothing. And he looked at me weird afterwards. It was different though, I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like that before. Maybe…he’s starting to actually **see** me? I know why Jessamine liked it though, it..felt really good. Not sure why. Maybe just a hallucination from lack of air. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing. Way to go Berna, just make a fool of yourself. UGH. I just want to TELL him. ***maybe when I’m older*** stupid reverie. I want to be older NOW, not in 100 years. Why do Humans get to grow up so fast?
I helped mom make a cake today. It was for a friend of hers wedding. She talked to me about how she can’t wait for all of us to have weddings too. I don’t know why she looked so sad. She said it was because she was tired, but she looked sad. But…the cake. I know that it was for someone else’s wedding, but not in my heart. I frosted it and sprinkled it and baked it as if I was making it for *my* wedding. I thought about licking frosting off of Robyn’s fingers, and maybe his nose. He does have a pretty cute nose. I bet I could get cake on it and lick it off. I think his lips probably taste just like cake. Too sweet to handle. I told mom that I couldn’t help myself. She left me to do the letters, and I ..wrote Robyn and Berna on the cake. I had to eat it super quick when she came back in the room. Told her that I got distracted and she seemed disappointed, said she’d finish it. Oh well. Even if it never happens, at least I know what it looks like!
Age 16-19
His eyes are so mesmerizing! I could stare into them for hours. I’m such a coward! I wait for him to talk to someone else, then I stare at him like im starving and he’s made of food. I think he’s starting to notice. He has this way about him. Sometimes I see him look at people and its like hes contemplating what they would taste like, maybe taste isn’t the right word. It’s just…predatory. I want him to look at me that way, like he could just gobble me up. I certainly look at him that way, seems only fair. I’m terrified that I’ll be too late. What if he finds someone else? I won’t be grown up enough for him to even look at for decades. I want him now, but he’s so ….honorable, he’d probably sit me down and tell me how I don’t know what I want, the same way I hear other girls talk about it. I DO know what I want, I only hope it’s still there when I’m finally old enough to have it.
I don’t think I can wait anymore. I’m losing my mind. I think I’m going to save my allowance, buy a small storage unit on the docks, lure Robyn there, hit him over the head, and then chain him up there until he agrees to marry me. And maybe keep him chained until the wedding is over. He’s pretty sneaky though. I’m not sure he couldn’t escape, and if mom ever found out she’d totally help him. Dad might kill him. Id have to get my sister’s to help me. Not sure that’s an option. Maybe I could hire someone to help me out. Money makes people do lots of stuff. If I thought Dad wouldn’t just kill him Id just kidnap him and then tell dad we HAVE to get married because he deflowered me. Pretty sure that would go poorly though. Robyn may be able to take dad, but not sure he could take all of the guards. And he wouldn’t hurt mom at all. And…he might not want me. Ughhhhhhhh. I just feel like im on FIRE when he’s around. I hate sharing time with him with my sisters anymore. I just want him all to myself. Locked in a shed, where i can have my way with him. *sigh*
Do you think Drow males are ever the ones who do the aggressive stuff? I have no idea. The way Robyn acts, I don’t think so. I …saw a boy pin a girl against a wall today, and kiss her until she was breathless. My fantasies now also include pinning Robyn to a wall, and being pinned to a wall. Also. I want babies. lots of babies. I want so many babies that He can never go adventuring again! I mean, if I’m barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, then he has to stay to do the cleaning and help with the kids right? Right??!? I just want to trace his ears and brush his hair and paint his nails. I want to kiss his stupid sneaky fingers that always catch me when I try to sneak his journal away from him. Its not *fair*. If I ever get my hands on that journal I’m NEVER giving it back. Mine!