Nothing too special…

CW: 100.5 lbs
BMI: 16.2

b/p: 3

Well, I cut the b/p sessions in half today, so that’s a positive, no?

The day began so productively!  I was able to sleep for the first time in a few nights.  I got a solid 8 hrs of sleep.  It was magic and I woke up 8:45am totally refreshed.  I was able to eat breakfast (egg beaters, toast and COFFEE = 130 cals) 

I went up to my room and wrote out a short essay and did some reading.  Then I ate lunch (asparagus cuts, apple = 140 cals)

I had a class to go to, my 3 hr film classics course.  The last class I plan to take for the film major I’m NOT pursuing anymore!  We had a break inbetween and I actually got myself a granola bar and ate half of it.  My next class was cancelled.  My professor, who I’ve had before, was in the hospital.    I dropped off a paper and picked up the graded one from last week.  (I got an A…yay!  Starting the semester off right, gpa wise anyway)

Then I went home and the day went downhill.  I was going to go to an info meeting on the GRE’s, since I have no idea what they are in the end.  Until I switched majors a week ago, I never had to think about going to grad school, now I have no choice with art history.  I didn’t go to the meeting.  I wanted to binge.  I felt the urge coming on and my thought process was leaving me.  I came home to an empty house and found out my roomies wouldn’t be home for hours.  I went out and bought binge food and b/p 3 times for a little over 2 hours.  I know, I was bad.

I did the rest of my reading for the night and now here I am.  (I’ve also eaten since the b/p twice.)  Same snack twice: apple + low cal toast (300 cals for both snack times)

Grand total of 660 cals for the day.  My dietition won’t be too happy with me tomorrow.  I have to see her as well as a nurse about my bloodtest results.

I wish b/p wasn’t so dangerous for your health.  Then I wouldn’t have to give it up.  I’ve figured out how to be productive now and still b/p, when before b/p just consumed my life.  I dream of the day when I can eat a "normal" amount of food (like 1800 cals), maintain a healthy weight and look in the mirror and see a healthy and thin person.  It won’t happen.  Eating large amounts packs the weight on.  I look in the mirror and wonder if my fat wouldn’t disappear if I could be just a few pounds under 100, rather than an even 100.

::sigh::  What’s a girl gonna do?

~Rachel