This Past Mother’s Day

If only my parents knew… are they blind to see? This Mother’s Day like all other ones has been heartbreaking. I rather be somewhere far and find ways to distract myself. Every year is the same… it sucks to be me. Why? If I were born what is acceptable to the society, then I wouldn’t have to go through this pain. 

Mom says I made my daughter dislike her grandparents. When she makes plans to see her sister (aunt), visit her long time friends, and never has she visited her grandchild. She wants to spend time with her but it has two Fridays. She shows funny ways for loving, no calls so where’s that love? She shows more love with her dog. She does not care the fact that “it” scares her grandchild away (long story short). I don’t have words to let her know, the evidence it out there, and mom knows. We had this issue where her daughter is only there with her grandparents once a week. I feel the more I tell her, she does it to get me on my last nerve… I try to remain calm because if I explored like I did last occasions, she tends to play victim and I’m the antagonist… now this problem is working. I learned to suck things up. Now her new excuse to uninvite me is telling lies about my wife. That she is the reason why my daughter isn’t showing love and affection? I don’t know who to believe… a mom is always honest to their children… but I guess mine is the one who says, “I have different ways to love..”

Why am I writing this awful experience for? No one will ever take time to read my pain… I pretend that I can give a shred of a shit. I wish I was heartless. I will find a diary to keep all my secrets to myself. Will it be helpful? If only a diary could give me advices then I wouldn’t be too lonely in this moment… (Import to Open Diary)