I’m dead

My mother hasn’t called me in three weeks to ask how I am. All the scandals she made were the ones I described in my last diary entry so that we could be uninvited to my niece’s high school graduation. What’s hilarious is that every single one of my family members did not bother to call me the whole day until at 9:30 pm, when the party ended. They all remembered they had a sister/daughter and a niece/grandaughter. I can’t imagine the fun they had on Mother’s Day. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I knew I had it coming. Often it is not ‘me’ that is to blame as they each justify their actions.

Well, it’s been days since my oldest insisted on us meeting and talking in-person after her daughter’s high school graduation. She graduated on May 24th, where is her urgent? I realized that it is easier said than done for most people. Talk is cheap but nothing is fully complete. She asked if I would be attending, so I told her, “No, I will be busy.” That was to make sure that I wasn’t going. She and like other people like cover their asses. I saved my mom’s embarrassment and I will no longer beg. Until this day, my sister is one of those people who just talks. I received a “We miss you… Mom misses” group text after several hours of their celebrations I was being the last minute consideration in their little minds.

I will never let anyone reject me at an event. I will not make false illusions. I would rather be buried dead 6 feet underground than even be invited to the univited just to make them feel like they did all they could to make me included. In a secret, I’m going to be the one who accepts then rejects last minute. If it’s my ‘attitude’ goddamn it, I will benefit from doing something more productive than crying a river. I should get used to the fact that I’m the black sheep in the family, an outcast. It’s been three weeks, let’s go on many more.